Pastime, Delegate & Verbalise

Friday 20 July, 2001

Karaj and I returned from a short trip to find Sunil, Michelle and Natasha in my office. This caused slight irritation. I had some work to do and I saw their presence as a disturbance. Nonetheless I pastimed with them and I suppose in some way I was glad of the distraction. [Karaj: Do 15 minutes of pastiming with them and verbalise to people that you have work to do and do not want to be disturbed.]

My mood today has not been the best and I am starting to feel that I cannot do much more – I have been running on full capacity for some time now and there’s a limit to what I can take in and to what I can take. Sunil asked if there was anything he could do. He offered to proofread the newsletter document. Initially I was unsure because I am always reluctant to let my work be done by someone else; I convince myself that I am the only one who can achieve my standards. I also wondered whether I was doing the right thing.

I remembered Karaj’s words from Monday when he told me to start involving Sunil in the work we are doing in the house and garden, so I relaxed. On top of that there is my need to learn to let go of my work. Paradox: I need to own it and to let it go. Don’t be attached. I also need to learn how to delegate. I left Sunil to it and continued with the accounts and my appraisal.

The majority of today has been taken up with the latest newsletter (No. 7). We worked until 9.30pm when Karaj came down to say that we should leave the Newsletter until another time. I agreed immediately. I was very tired and needed to go to bed. While I finished up, Sunil and Karaj sat in the garden. I joined them briefly but felt too cold and tired to concentrate.

I returned inside and checked to see if Dev and Robert had arrived. They were standing on the front step and when Sunil and Karaj came in from the garden the five of us sat together for a chat. By this time it was nearly eleven o’clock and when we made it back to my house I made sure that the others were okay and then went straight to bed. There was no point in my staying up and getting more and more annoyed [Child ego state] with the people in my house.


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