Time To Decide

Saturday 20 July, 2002

Today we analysed the facts, perceptions and scripts involved in the contract weekend two weeks ago. Before we began I spent some time in conversation with Dev. He has succeeded because he comes here, listens to Karaj, wants to change and works hard. We also talked about the congruency of thoughts (Parent), observations (Adult) and feelings (Child).

Everyone in the group had written their own account of the weekend and each appraisal was read out by someone else. During each reading Karaj made a note of any point which highlighted our negativity or our script, as well as our relationships with each other. The final scores were summarised in a matrix. At the bottom of the table came Robert.* Next to last was me.

I see myself as others see me: negative and collecting learning points without putting them into practice. I was challenged on what to do about it. It is the same scenario as with the vision. Karaj’s conclusion was: ‘No vision, no clue‘. I was also challenged on my Adapted Child behaviour. Karaj is dragging me back to it because I am trying to get away. I felt shit at the end of the day, but I am finally seeing how close I am to following my father’s script. Time to decide.

* Robert left that evening and never returned.


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