Compliment People

Friday 11 April, 2003

Yesterday I struggled to get out of bed. I had thoughts about exercises but took no action. This morning, again, I lay in bed contemplating my exercises. My body is too stiff to find any motivation to get up…but I am getting closer. [11 years on and this is the advice I would give to myself: Don’t wait for the motivation to come along. Make it happen.]

I verbalised my need to take it easy today because of my groin pain and Karaj told me firmly to look after myself. I felt reprimanded but his reaction was one of love and because I had verbalised my need he was aware and fully supportive. Dev, on the other hand, did not verbalise his need for rest and Karaj had to prise it out of him later which caused us all time and energy and annoyance.

We spent all day doing physical work in the garden, Although I was in pain, Karaj’s support kept me going and we worked well together. Early on he pointed out to me that I was isolating myself which was happening because I was not staying aware of what was going on and was probably sulking a bit because of my pain. After that I did well and did an efficient and enjoyable job of laying the paving slabs with Simran. Dev had long since gone for a sleep. Afterwards I spent 30 minutes lying on the cottage floor in pain (left leg).

In the evening we covered a variety of points:

  • The challenge to Priya – about the money she owes and her fine for messing up the space for three days – has to be done from love and respect so that we can all win.
  • Calvin’s issue with social services: you get out what you put in and Calvin is now getting results.
  • Kuldip: stop running and face life’s issues.
  • George’s anxiety: the learning point for me was that my Parent (TA) bashes my Child because of my Child’s anxiety, so when another person talks to me I perceive them as bashing me (too). That means I do not hear what they are saying (because I am busy giving myself a bashing). Which is why I don’t hear people. So, be in the moment and hear what people are saying without the internal dialogue.
  • Compliment people. Compliments are easy to give and empowering for all. Dev did not compliment Harriet in his summary of their work together. Even if you do the work alone, credit others. That credit and generosity will return to you many times.
  • Paranoia. We finished the session with laughter about paranoia. All of us attempted to explain to Karaj what it is like.

Summary: Another varied day. Lots of pain but lots of achievement too. I received a compliment from Karaj: ‘You and I carried the day today, well done.


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