Prepared the house and garden for the women’s group. I have no interest in having women here today. I feel short-tempered when I think about it. I don’t want to be around them or anywhere near them. Dev and I sat in the sunken garden and I verbalised this to him. I immediately felt better. The thing is, I know I can deal with the situation when it is there. Dev and Ishwar put the large umbrella up in the sunken garden, I took a call from Dania, prepared the letter to send by registered post to Robert, and Karaj and I went to pick Dania up from the coach station.
An Imperfect Perfectionist
In the garden we made a table for the umbrella. This was a fascinating process for me. In cutting the hole for the umbrella pole to go through the table top, a part of me was screaming at myself to cut a big hole, a massive hole, yet I stood by and watched myself trying to cut the perfect size. I was powerless to do anything about it. Of course the hole was too small. Worse still, we tried to fit the umbrella in front of Karaj and the women. It fell over, Dev’s focus went straight to trying to force it to fit and I went with him, totally sucked in. We eventually removed ourselves and Ishwar cut a larger hole. It fitted and we installed it without fuss. This simple exercise gave me valuable insight into the power of my perfectionist nature (driver). Watch out for it and the next time it exerts itself, smile.
Women’s Group
(Karaj, Imogen, Harriet, Priya, Dania, Ishwar, Dev and me.) Dev was challenged for spending time listening to his boss, when he should be talking to Karaj. He is choosing the wrong path. During a late lunch, Serena and Michelle arrived (Michelle’s friend has died). There were reflections for Priya. All the women talked about her childlike qualities. I told her she has insights which make me listen to her and that she should use them more often, rather than say what she thinks people want to hear. Ishwar told her to grow up!
No Concept Of Support
Priya was challenged on her memo for Ishwar last Sunday. She has no concept of what support is. She described the two sides of her. The fun-loving side which is kept well in check by the steel-hard side of her. When she described the latter, her whole demeanour became hard and ruthless; this is the part which will end with her betraying Karaj, as he predicts will happen in two years’ time.
She talked about the learning points from the work issue but she did not apply them to Ishwar’s memo. She has not learnt the fundamental principle behind the learning point. It means she is looking for a procedure for every situation rather than seeing the general rules. During a break I chatted to Ishwar and Dev about Priya and support. They said she never acknowledges the support given. She never says thank you.
Back in the group, Priya was challenged because she has fobbed Karaj off for the last three days. It is good for me to see this process because it brings me clarity on how these people are. That clarity then emerges in my challenges to them. I have been clear and appropriate in all my challenges to Priya today. During another break, Karaj discussed the issue with Harriet, Imogen and Dania. They all want to rescue Priya in their own way; Harriet was sending her positive energy! No wonder all three of them are so tired.
Recognising And Identifying The Negativity
Priya was challenged heavily on how she will cost the time and energy she has taken up over the last three days with everyone who has been here. We calculated basic hourly figures for each person (Total £5230). This does not include the psychological effect of her negativity or the knock-on effect to others not directly involved. She wanted to take the calculations home with her. Such negativity! It reminded me of the SHG matrix from last year. I was on my way out because of that and I hated it, but it made me determined to follow procedures and succeed.
We took another break. Karaj told us all to move our arses to shake off the tiredness of the negativity. He talked to me about having Priya here next week. I had no hesitation in agreeing and told Karaj the following: I have seen how he works and he gives everything to his clients. He knew Robert’s days were numbered and then supported him fully for 18 months before Robert ran off. Karaj told me I am his priority and he needs to look after me and safeguard my health. Again, there was no hesitation from me because Karaj has always looked after me. All I have to do is verbalise. I also asked Ishwar and Dev for their support in all this. I will need it.
Back in the women’s group, we looked at the reasons for the women’s tiredness (Karaj, Ishwar and I were all wide awake, but then we had been challenging Priya not rescuing her).
- Priya’s negativity for the last three days.
- Michelle’s heavy burden after the death of her friend. Ishwar pointed out that while he and Dev had been talking to (supporting) Priya at lunchtime, as Karaj had asked them to, Michelle arrived and Priya ran straight over to her. She ran away from the support and towards the negativity (death), even though Michelle had hesitated so as not to disturb the conversation. It was then that we hit on the third reason for the negativity:
- The letter to Robert. Of course! This day has been like that night in Sicily. Negativity has been exposed again. We reminisced about the Sicily night. Karaj told me: ‘You were so intense in your feedback to Ishwar that night. So straight, so pure. I’d never seen you like that before.’
Ishwar: Why Is It Always Me?
The group ended at 00:30. After the women had all left, Karaj, Dev, Ishwar and I chatted in the sunken garden. Ishwar asked ‘Why is it always me who exposes the negativity?’ Karaj told him he (Ishwar) deals with negativity and criminality every day in his job and that he has chosen the straight path. Karaj talked to us about Priya: ‘She is most likely to listen to Dev and Simran. She will get scared of Ishwar. She is already scared of Jonathan. People think Jonathan is me, but he has his own way of dealing with things and soon he will be telling me what to do, and that is fine because then I can get on with my work without disturbing anyone.’
Summary: What a day. Amazing. It will take a few days to analyse this so it’s good that I’m free tomorrow and Monday. I have done very well today. I got all my agenda items done and still encouraged and supported the others to do theirs. I had insights, challenged appropriately, said the right thing at the right time, didn’t get excited and didn’t go on and on. I have done so well today and feel that I have grown quite a bit as a result. Please don’t get cocky.