Rules

I recall a conversation I had in 2008 during the early part of my relationship with my girlfriend. We were talking about the rules of life and she asked me what mine were. I deliberated for a while, wondering what to say. And then I remembered this list which I had put together seven years previously. I pulled it out and she sat in the chair by the window reading it while I made dinner. If there have been any points in our relationship which have singularly reinforced and enhanced what we have, that was one of them. And the talks she and I had at that window were the beginnings of C-volution.

These rules are learning points distilled from the first two volumes of my training journal. They span the period from 7th March 2000 to 18th June 2001. It is important to know that these are my learning points, particular to my life, my journey and my script. They represent what I need to consider in order to succeed with my own personal development. This explains why, although many of the points are applicable to everyone, there are others which are specific to me.

I encourage you to discover your own.

  1. Dreams become reality
  2. Futility of comparisons. Not only with others but also with myself and my progress
  3. Relax, take things slowly. Sleep when tired.
  4. If I am seeking love from others, what is wrong with my self-love?
  5. Don’t overdo anything
  6. Don’t get cocky
  7. We connect with people who perpetuate our scripts
  8. The power of the mind to sabotage. I can become healthy in an instant but my mind gets in the way
  9. Don’t worry about ‘how‘ or ‘why
  10. Lay the foundations and things will happen
  11. Stay in the present and the future will take care of itself
  12. The truth cannot be verbalised
  13. Slow down towards the end… of anything
  14. Recognise and celebrate achievement
  15. There’s no need to prove what I already am
  16. Be open, transparent, polite, courteous, but be ruthless
  17. Release the past, let it go and leave it where it is
  18. Discipline
  19. Contact with men, relationships, the exchange of male energy
  20. Presence is enough to influence situations
  21. Concentrate on the positives
  22. Don’t worry about the negatives. I’m working on those so they get enough attention anyway
  23. Don’t worry. Practice active ‘non-worry’
  24. Listen to people and provide the space and the connection for them to discover their own solutions
  25. No need to please others
  26. No need to seek others’ approval
  27. No need to prove myself
  28. Stay balanced
  29. Remember the evidence (of my progress and of who I am)
  30. Be clear about my goals – then I am not reliant on others to tell me I’m good or bad
  31. Be frivolous – for the hell of it
  32. Own my own space
  33. Acknowledge the small things I do
  34. I don’t owe anyone anything and nobody owes me anything
  35. Regardless of what people say to me, whether it is good or bad, what I need to do is go inside myself and look at my evidence
  36. Don’t try to understand
  37. Don’t analyse
  38. Exercise
  39. Be sharp, strong, and firm with everyone who enters my space
  40. I am already the person I wish to be
  41. I cannot resolve internal dialogues
  42. The seeds of my problems with good times ending are sown well in advance with the thought that I don’t want them to end
  43. My expectations also guarantee my disappointment and despair
  44. There are many things which I shy away from when I have it in myself to try things out. What am I frightened of?
  45. Excitement can be very dangerous and destructive – calm down
  46. Smile
  47. All sensations are neutral – it is we who attach significance and meaning
  48. If I’m tired, move
  49. All genuine progress is gentle. There are no highs
  50. Thought is energy. Internal dialogues, comparisons and worry are a waste of energy. Concentrate my thoughts on myself and retain my energy for myself
  51. Everything is a lie – the wise remain silent and talk in riddles
  52. Play the fool
  53. Create space from people in order to do my work and walk my path
  54. Protect what I have
  55. Don’t create noise and avoid those that do
  56. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it just is.
  57. The journey doesn’t necessarily get easier
  58. My script can pounce at any time from any angle
  59. Be accountable for myself and my skills
  60. Don’t give anything of myself away. I do it for compliments, to feel good about myself and to impress others. There’s no need
  61. Frivolous conversation helps to filter out the serious people
  62. Challenge firmly all who occupy my space to contribute and grow, or clear off
  63. Look inside myself for the part of me which can contribute to others
  64. Slow down
  65. Be curious. Ask questions and get to the bottom of things
  66. Stop being sarcastic
  67. Go with my initial feeling
  68. Go with the obvious. That’s why it’s obvious
  69. Step away from confrontation
  70. When I’m tired my defences are low and I am vulnerable
  71. When I’m tired I talk too much
  72. Beware of people who talk too much
  73. If I want to talk, seek out male company
  74. Respect women at all times
  75. If I’m okay then those around me will be okay
  76. Stay grounded. Visit a graveyard
  77. If I fuck up, just smile and start again
  78. Those who know the truth don’t need to talk
  79. Keep life simple
  80. Have fun
  81. Don’t get down about being down
  82. Learn to say ‘No’
  83. Let go
  84. Always look at the bigger picture. It helps to see my progress
  85. Seek enjoyment and satisfaction in calmness and balance
  86. The more I give the more I receive
  87. Welcome women, be with them but remain unattached
  88. Approach everything as new. Approach everything as a challenge
  89. Surrender to the task. Surrender to the moment. Surrender to life itself
  90. Surrender is true power
  91. Do not look to create drama and excitement for myself
  92. Make things my dreams
  93. Own what I do
  94. Communicate my feelings and do so quicker
  95. Relax and things work
  96. Don’t get so involved in negativitiy – real, perceived or fantasy
  97. Unless I let go I will not see my conditioning/script
  98. See the conflict of the ‘Be Perfect’ and ‘Hurry Up’ drivers. Slow down
  99. Persevere. We do come out the other side and we feel satisfied and okay, because things do work out
  100. When anxious about things going wrong, imagine things going really wrong. Exaggerate and have some fun with it
  101. It matters not what happens
  102. Make life boring when people ask
  103. Remain focused and don’t let my attention wander
  104. The best way to ecourage myself to blossom is to encourage others to do so
  105. I can cope
  106. When things go wrong, simply decide whether or not to invest time and energy in trying to put them right
  107. If I cannot do something out of love, then do nothing and wait until I can
  108. Respect others. Laugh with them, joke with them, but do not demean them
  109. Don’t create or get into ‘goodbye’ games
  110. Whatever the trigger, my feelings are my feelings. They are my issue to sort out
  111. Be humble
  112. Be quiet
  113. Discipline helps to maintain my physical, mental and emotional balance
  114. My balance is my success
  115. Accept people’s generosity, or it will be lost
  116. Be straight with people. Do not expect them to read my mind
  117. Go with my initial feelings, not with my secondary thoughts
  118. Be clear about my goals. Verbalise and negotiate
  119. Do not deviate from who I am
  120. I’m okay when I have a focus
  121. Other people (in the group) don’t have my script and, therefore, don’t have the same thoughts about my issues. So they can help me.
  122. I have come to work with Karaj because I want things to move quickly
  123. I have no time to waste. I need to get myself sorted quickly. So raise things immediately
  124. The others in the group, because of my association with Karaj, look to me for help
  125. They need me to be on form
  126. I can only work on the problem in front of me
  127. When I sort one problem, many others will disappear as a consequence
  128. When I’m with people, be with them completely
  129. I can change my mood
  130. A calm mind can only be achieved through physical exertion and focused activities
  131. Without foundations nothing can work
  132. Paradox: the less I do the more I achieve. Don’t just do something, sit there!
  133. I always have everything I need
  134. There is no point to anything, so do things for the hell of it
  135. Relax, observe and listen
  136. Create relationships
  137. Continue to seek the truth
  138. Remain unattached
  139. Always ask a question, because then I am in control
  140. When I’m sorted out, I’m sorted. That’s all that matters
  141. When I am hungry I feel alive, alert, focused, aware, clear, light, mobile and I have a stronger Parent ego state. I feel more in control
  142. Make a decision and stick to it
  143. Once I make a decision, what follows is much easier
  144. Loot at the things I have done, not the things I haven’t
  145. Slow right down
  146. Don’t personalise. This is attachment
  147. Focus on my sensations
  148. I can observe my moods. If I remain unattached they will change
  149. It’s enough that I know who I am
  150. Don’t overdo things
  151. There’s no need to take people’s moods personally
  152. It’s up to me to be cordial, friendly and welcoming
  153. Everything is possible
  154. Attachment can happen without me even realising
  155. Sometimes I eat for excitement or because I do not want to face my issues
  156. Remember the satisfaction of doing… anything
  157. Appreciate the beauty of boredom. Who needs drama?
  158. Shut up and listen
  159. Feelings can be dangerous
  160. Discipline and procedures are salvation and protection
  161. Always remember the bigger picture. Don’t get too much into detail
  162. Whatever I do, do it for myself
  163. Too much withdrawal is damaging
  164. Relax and trust that the answers will come. There’s no need to seek solutions
  165. Self-searching excludes others
  166. Things cannot be fixed in an instant
  167. Verbalise my issues
  168. Don’t give away my power
  169. Habitual safe places are dangerous
  170. Explanations cause more problems than they solve
  171. People will ask if they want to know
  172. Detach but do not disengage
  173. Success reveals the next level of work to be done
  174. Talk to people. The right people
  175. The journey is hard. It has to be that way otherwise we simply do not learn

Karaj told me that, gradually, I would reduce this list down to just a handful of rules. That has not yet happened. Similarly, whenever he emphasised that life is all about procedures, he used to tell us that there was really only one procedure. Every now and again we would try to guess what it was. But none of us ever did.