Parent Ego State

Friday 24 March, 2000

I need to make much more use of my Parent ego state (Transactional Analysis) to quieten my emotions. In the past, my problems have arisen mostly because of my emotional reaction to almost everything. It costs me enormous amounts of energy and the simple truth is: it doesn’t have to be that way.

I spend most of my life in the Child ego state (TA). As a result, I struggle to separate myself from situations, I can’t think straight, can’t be objective and often end up in an emotional mess. Developing my Parent ego state can help me in so many ways. And it doesn’t mean I lose my emotional side at all.

There are times when I do feel the parental side of me. These are, however, transient feelings and soon disappear. I think this is because the child in me is so dominant. In life I realise my responsibilities, I make mental notes of the things I need to do, but almost always my Child ego state takes over and says ‘let’s play’.

This is where the hard work starts for me. There is no need to reprimand the Child – it has a right to play, that’s what it does best. Equally, the Parent also has the right to do what it does best. It’s a question of balance. At present I am heavily weighted in Child and it will take some hard work and gentle cajoling to strengthen my Parent ego state and quieten the Child ego state without any harm coming to my emotional side.

Take this weekend. I plan to do some decorating in my friend’s house. The responsibility is the painting; the tendency is to play. It is important for my development that both occur.

I can use my ‘Please Others’ driver to ensure the job is done (and my ‘Be Perfect’ driver to ensure it is done well) and can make use of the opportunity to show my Child ego state that it is possible to be quiet and enjoy life safe in the knowledge that there will always be time to play.

I appreciate the advantages of coming from a state without emotions, as it frees the individual to achieve whatever is necessary. I also understand what a waste of energy it is to dwell permanently in an emotional state. It is draining.

My progress with my Parent ego state continues every day.

Further information: Transactional Analysis
Related post: Developing Parent Ego State

Leave a Reply