What Happens When I Indulge?

Sunday 2 April, 2000

If I don’t look after myself then I feel as though I need looking after, which is where the problems begin, because then I attract those people who are (unconsciously) on the lookout for others to care for. Anyway, I did look after myself yesterday: morning stroll, cooked a vegetable soup and went to bed early. This morning I got up early and did my exercises, so the Monday morning low feeling is only slight. Routine.

Talked to Karaj. He explained the process which occurs when I indulge in, for example, alcohol. The day after, I nearly always reprimand myself for it. He explained that, when I indulge, the Parent ego state is the first part to go. This leaves only the thinking Adult ego state and the creative, playful Child ego state. Any further indulgence wipes out the Adult, which leaves only the Child to play or to withdraw or to do whatever it wants without any parental control at all. When the effects of the intoxication wear off and the Parent returns, it scolds the Child, which causes the guilt and admonishment.


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