My Balance Is My Success

Thursday 11 May, 2000

Working hard to keep my feet on the floor. Spoke to an old colleague last night about a return to Commerzbank in Frankfurt. She said that they have recently been looking for people. It all sounds promising.

Samantha phoned last night and said that she misses me and she loves me and hopes that we will get back together again some day. Whilst all this may be good for my ego, it doesn’t really help me. I would prefer if she could move on with her life – that might hurt me for a while but long term it’s better for everyone.

For most of the conversation there was not much I could say. I found it easy to resist the temptation to tell her what I thought about the whole situation and when asked what I thought about me and her I simply replied that I was happy. The conversation was good-natured and I was left with none of the usual feelings of annoyance and frustration.

This week has been one of high levels of excitement and corresponding attempts to ground myself. I understand better than ever the need to keep my feet on the ground and, after a chat with Karaj this morning, things are even clearer. Balance is the key. If I can maintain a constant level of contentment instead of fluctuating between highs and lows then I can greatly enrich my life. My balance is my success.

Take this week’s excitement. I have spoken to people and made arrangements to travel and see people I haven’t seen for a while. I have also made excellent progress towards my goal of returning to Germany. In short I have worked hard to achieve all that has been happening this week.

Now, the immediate reaction is to sit back and enjoy the excitement because I’ve put in so much effort for it. However, the balance is my success, not the jubilation. I drew comparison with a flywheel. Rather than live the full extent of my excitement and risk damage to myself – not to mention the low that follows my fall from the high, I can relax, maintain the balance and store the energy I have created.

Karaj improved on this idea by comparing the situation to a speeding train. Only a small energy input is necessary to maintain the speed whereas to continually stop and start the train requires enormous energy exchanges. This is the equivalent of living a life of fluctuations.

Related post: Life In The Middle

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