Unconscious Games

Monday 22 May, 2000

Samantha phoned twice while I was away so I phoned her back last night. She wants to see me and for me to talk to her so she can listen. Changes don’t happen that quickly and it will be difficult for me to talk to someone who doesn’t usually listen to me.

It all seems so staged, like an exam. Is she going to give me feedback on whatever I say to prove to me she can listen? That’s up to her. If she wants to change, she can, but for whom is she changing? If it’s for me then it’s never going to work. If it’s for her, then what have I got to do with it?

She said I probably don’t understand why she wants to do these things. I told her I do understand but after discussion with Karaj I should have agreed with her and said no. This is because her comments are designed (albeit unconsciously) to draw me into a game.

The analogy Karaj used was of someone trying their hardest to break down a door… which is already open. Samantha lunges at my door with a comment and, by agreeing with her, I open the door for her and her game is over. This is the essence of Aikido: using the other person’s energy to your advantage (and to theirs as well).

I’m still very tired.

Related posts: If At First You Don’t Succeed… | Further Evidence of Change

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