Confirmation of What I Always Knew

Wednesday 28 June, 2000

I went to the bank today and talked to a few people. At first, during the initial one-to-one interview, I was quite excited and enthusiastic as we discussed the possibilities, but as time went by (I was there for two and a half hours) I felt more and more as if I didn’t want to be there and certainly didn’t want to work there.

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Sunday 25 June, 2000

I am practising letting go. I am on holiday and I have nothing to worry about. I keep telling myself there is nothing that need concern me, but still the thoughts come. The main one is work. Can I actually hack it on the front line of investment banking?

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Winning & Losing

Wednesday 21 June, 2000

[This post records a successful attempt at non-attachment, using sport – specifically, football – as the focus. It occurred during the Euro 2000 football championship.]

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The usual quality conversation with Francis was cut short by his departure for England for a few days. I have the place to myself. I feel melancholy and thoughtful. I feel good. The melancholy feels good because it is familiar. A habit. However, the next step is loneliness and that doesn’t feel good. Be careful. And, as Karaj added later, it will also not allow me to separate, be independent, alone. (See also: ‘Alone or Lonely’.)

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Questions & Answers

Thursday 15 June, 2000

[This entry raises three questions or points which I noted on this day during my stay with Francis. On my return I discussed them with Karaj and the answers are my notes based on those conversations. The second answer may seem somewhat harsh, but the more you think about it the more sense it makes. Especially when we assume that love is the primary intention.]

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An Old Friend & The Old Me

Wednesday 14 June, 2000

On Saturday I arrived here at my friend’s place in Germany for a three-week holiday. It is clear that the old me is very present here. This country, this city and, to a great extent, this flat and the company I am keeping here are all very much a part of the old me. I can feel it very strongly and I feel challenged by it.

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A Doer and a Perfectionist

Thursday 8 June, 2000

Another good day with Karaj saw us finish off our flower pot herb garden. Again, it was a joy to work with him, proving that it is possible for a ‘doer’ and a ‘be perfect’ to work together.

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Blind Spots

Wednesday 7 June, 2000

Blind spots. These are gaps in a person’s awareness which make them oblivious to their actions. During a visit to buy some nuts and bolts with Karaj I witnessed such a blind spot but only began to understand it after discussion with Karaj.

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Positivity & People

Tuesday 6 June, 2000

I am very happy with the progress I have made since working with Karaj. I could never have envisaged making such rapid and effective progress. I cannot emphasise enough how the tools and techniques, which Karaj has given me have changed my life. They are simple and powerful. My life has changed forever. During yesterday’s conversation with Karaj we discussed the power of positivity. It is not just a way of putting a smile on my face; positive thinking actually works. A mere thought is often enough to manifest in my life whatever I desire.

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Feel My Feelings

Monday 5 June, 2000

I can’t possibly know or hope to control how others feel, and I certainly cannot live my life according to how I perceive others may feel. It’s simply too hypothetical. All I can do is live my life how I want to live it. I am not a callous person and I take no pleasure in hurting anybody, so there’s nothing I need to do except live my life. If people have a problem with who I am and what I do, then it truly is their problem. I can’t help them, and I would not be doing myself any justice if I altered my life’s plans because I thought they might be better off.

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Thoughts on Others’ Feelings

Sunday 4 June, 2000

What follows is a summary of the comments I have written over the past few days.

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