Good Feedback & Patience

Tuesday 11 July, 2000

Yesterday I had a very good feedback session with Karaj. Most of the points raised relate to my journal entries from the last 4-5 weeks. One thing I must say is that I feel things are moving again. Since that wonderful weekend in May I have felt at rest as far as my learning has been concerned.

It makes sense really; as I have written before, it is the same as the theory of punctuated equilibrium in evolution. I could not possibly hope to maintain such a learning curve as was demonstrated 2 months ago, and my tiredness since that time is a testament to the hard work and effort needed to overcome the obstacles which stand in the way of my progress.

However, having consolidated my position on the plateau, the changes I noticed in May are permanent and, paradoxically, it takes no effort at all to be the new version of myself. I am ready to move on another step. The foundations for progress to the next level were being laid all the time and yesterday, by talking with Karaj, things were brought into sharper focus. The main lessons concern my expectations and assumptions about other peoples moods, thoughts and feelings. There is really no need to put myself through such agony.

Karaj tells me the tiredness is simply a mechanism to slow me down. It is not safe to rush things. I see this with my exercises. Too often in the past I have been in a hurry to fix my back problem. This has caused only further pain, setbacks, frustration and anger. It took me a long time and great pain to learn the benefit of gradual improvement. Even now, when I get too enthusiastic and excited about improvements in my health I am likely to trap a nerve. The same is true of my personal development.


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