Exercise and meditation this morning. My throat hurts and I have a numb pain in my lower back on the right side. Spoke to Karaj about my time with Andy. With respect to the back pain I experienced at the end of July: it was the food that did it. Moreover, it was the source of the food: so much of came from the women in my family. They are doing what they do, and that is fine, but I need to change direction in my life otherwise I will always be looked after, and that is not healthy. Healthy people don’t need looking after.

Following lunch on that Sunday a week ago, mum pointed out to me that I had almost made it through July without further back problems. That evening the pain started and continued throughout Monday. Karaj says it is almost like blackmail. Without knowing it, Mum is challenging me, daring me to make it without being mothered. Karaj added that Andy and I couldn’t open up to each other so long as we were disabled by huge amounts of food.

[This post seems particularly harsh, but it should be read (along with all the other posts between 23rd July 2000 and 11th August 2000) in conjunction with the current post, ‘It’s My Script’, from 8th August 2011.]


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