The Consequences

Tuesday 8 August, 2000

Yesterday I returned home with a headache and felt lonely. I exercised and made myself something to eat, which cheered me up. When I woke up this morning I had and still have a splitting headache.

After speaking to Karaj it seems my headache is to do with my mum. It may not seem like much happened between us but clearly it did if the pain in my head is anything to go by. I need to be firm but nice with her. ‘Separation with a smile’. Be aware of what’s happening and be polite when underlining the separation. There’s no need to feel cruel or harsh in my treatment of my mum. It’s necessary and it will free us both to live our individual lives and to fulfill our potential as the wonderful human beings we are.

As regards the problems with my throat – these stem from finally being able to talk to my brother. We have never had a conversation like the one we had under the stars last week. No matter how short it may have been it was a breakthrough for both of us. For me I was able to communicate my feelings to Andy and he was able to communicate his feelings.

I return home feeling very poorly. Thumping headache, nausea, and a sore throat. The worst headache I think I’ve ever known. Samantha phoned – she’s got scarlet fever and a throat infection. Even though she had no idea I’m unwell, she is letting me know that she’s worse off. Illness one-upmanship. Why? I did not tell her that I too am suffering. Firstly, I don’t want to be mothered and secondly, I’m not interested in playing her games.

[This post, and all the others between 23rd July 2000 and 11th August 2000, should be read in conjunction with the current post, ‘It’s My Script’, from 8th August 2011.]


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