Patience & Comparisons

Tuesday 22 August, 2000

After yesterday’s talk with Karaj, my thoughts have been with the ideas of patience and comparison. I compare myself to others. My weekend in Brighton was spent with many good people and for me, comparisons are inevitable. Some seem more mature than me, funnier, more relaxed with themselves, better off, more secure, more confident, more dynamic, more assertive, friendlier, more sociable, more in control, with greater self-assurance and more genuine.

In a group of 18 people there were a great many characteristics which all seemed attractive and desirable and, at times, I lost myself in them. I was left thinking ‘What have I got to offer?’ In this respect it was good to talk to Chiran because he said it was great to see me, but I cannot continue to look for reassurances from other people.

As far as patience is concerned, I had a breakthrough on Brighton beach on that Sunday morning. I am an impatient person. It’s not too severe but it is a hindrance to progress. I get bored easily and whatever I do my mind always wanders to thoughts of what else I could be doing instead.

That’s how it was on the beach. However, I resisted the temptation to stand up and walk around aimlessly. Instead I stayed sitting and relaxed further and life seemed to slow right down. It is important to note that slow does not mean lethargic or lazy. Slow means slow. There are no rules which dictate the pace of life. The world may choose to live life at breakneck speed, but thanks to my time on the beach I know that with awareness and by returning to my centre I can ignore the inertia around me and live my life at my own, calm pace.


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