Handling Generosity

Wednesday 30 August, 2000

I received some feedback from Karaj regarding the tuition of Michelle and Bridget (I had given them some basic word processing tuition). He told me I had been too generous and had given too much. The problem being that some people cannot deal with generosity.

Generosity is a form of unconditional positive stroke (TA), and people have a tendency to undermine these with negative comments. I have been guilty of this in the past but I have improved in recent months and I am now much more able to accept compliments. However, I still have a problem with generosity.

The fact that I am living in Aubrey’s house gets to me at times. Other times, I don’t understand why people do things for me. I become suspicious that they may have ulterior motives; that they want something from me. This occurs because I am receiving more generosity or positive strokes than I can handle.

It follows that I am also capable of giving more than other people can handle. The key is to observe people’s reactions and comments, and adjust the amount of strokes to a level just above that with which they can cope. If the negative or dismissive comments continue then adjust the level again.

Related post: Giving Too Much

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