Training Day: Conclusion

Saturday 30 September, 2000

Think…Feel…Do

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Training Day: Games & Drivers

Saturday 30 September, 2000

Games

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Training Day: Ego States & Strokes

Saturday 30 September, 2000

Ego States

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Training Day: Introduction

Saturday 30 September, 2000

After a week of digging in the garden and not much to write, today has provided me with the push I seemed to be looking for to move myself forward. Today we had the TA training workshop which covered the topics relating to script.

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Slowly

Thursday 21 September, 2000

I exercised this morning. It was hard work at first because my mind kept telling me I was wasting my time. It made me aware, as it does every morning, of the aches and pains in my body, the coldness of my room and the darkness outside. I was reminded of Karaj’s warning that my mind is going to start getting very clever. I realised that if I could overcome the seemingly persuasive arguments it was feeding me then I could begin to make real progress. I persisted with my exercises and felt much better for doing so.

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Stay With The Feelings

Tuesday 19 September, 2000

Although I have not been in the best of moods over the last two days, I have not let it get to me. This is a breakthrough because more often than not I get more down about being down. This time, because the feelings are not so intense, I am able to stay with them and feel comfortable with them because I know they will pass. They are just a part of the natural cycle of life. Relax and be with the feelings. There’s no need to be frightened of the way I feel.

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Becoming More Effective

Saturday 16 September, 2000

I notice that, in recent situations with people, I am much more aware of myself than usual and, equally, I perform much better amongst people. I am consistently more relaxed and at ease with myself. I am still quiet but more confident because I can interact if I need to.

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Observe Rather Than Analyse

Friday 15 September, 2000

It occurred to me that I analyse instead of observing what’s happening around me – that’s if I notice at all – and it’s the analysis which spoils it for me.

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Progress Report

Thursday 14 September, 2000

Having exercised well this week I am feeling physically pretty good. I am still tired. It has been four months now since I first noticed the lethargy; ever since the weekend in May when everything seemed to shift. Although, at times, it may not seem that I am working hard enough to be this tired, I am. Changing the habits of a lifetime is not easy. In addition to this I am also doing the physical work necessary to sort out the problems I have had with my back. I am exercising regularly – as I become stronger I am exercising more and more – and I am walking around 40 miles per week. I am discovering new ways to live my life and adapting myself accordingly. At the same time I am learning more and more about who I am. It’s great work and it’s hard work and I’m knackered.

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Positive Reflection

Wednesday 13 September, 2000

There are rare times when I review my life and can reflect upon the good things about myself. On these occasions I see myself in a very positive light. This isn’t because I’m fabricating information or lying to myself. All the facts are always there but in everyday life I ignore them in favour of a more negative view.

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Transformation Takes Time

Sunday 3 September, 2000

Just like on Brighton beach, I’ve come to the park to clear my head and get myself together. It’s a beautiful summer/autumn morning. How deprived of the transformation process would we feel if summer changed to autumn overnight or if winter changed to spring? We would be denied the sight of the first shoots or the gradual change of colour which the leaves go through before falling from the trees. This is the point I was trying to make to Tamsin during our conversation. Things don’t happen overnight and it’s the transformation which makes it all enjoyable. Appreciate the journey.

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Friendly Advice

Saturday 2 September, 2000

Early morning and I haven’t had much sleep. I had a brilliant time last night at Ed’s wedding. I ended up back at Peter’s in Clapham where I had a great talk with him and rounded the evening off in discussion with Tamsin. When we talk we always have good conversations and this one was no different, although it did draw me into talking about the work I am doing on myself. Tamsin kept telling me I should do a better job of bringing happiness into the lives of others. I simply told her I’m doing it but that these things don’t happen overnight.

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