Training Day: Introduction

Saturday 30 September, 2000

After a week of digging in the garden and not much to write, today has provided me with the push I seemed to be looking for to move myself forward. Today we had the TA training workshop which covered the topics relating to script.

[Karaj’s comments: ‘When the body gets rid of rubbish through physical work, the mind becomes silent. Listen to you body. Sharpen it, harden it so it is a tool to quieten your mind.‘]

Listening

This means being present physically, psychologically, socially and emotionally. To listen fully means to listen to everything without any filters. Whilst listening to the other person it is vitally important to listen to myself – what is my body telling me? By listening to how I feel and how my body feels, I can more readily identify what is happening within the interaction, and also what is about to happen. Also, if I listen intently to everything that is being said and to the themes and core messages embedded in what is being said, I will never be at a loss for a response.

Cycle of Transformation

In order to make changes in my life there is a cycle which needs to be considered, adhered to and completed, regardless of the changes I wish to make:

  • Motivation – I must want to change
  • Awareness – I need to identify and understand what it is I wish to change
  • Contract – establishing an agreement with myself (and with another person) and to outline the work which is necessary to facilitate the change
  • Deconfusion – breaking down the habits of a lifetime
  • Redecision – choosing a different path, different habits
  • Relearning – learning to walk my chosen path
  • Separation/Termination – completion of the change

This cycle is applicable to every aspect of my life. As with fractal theory, it applies to my whole being and every facet of my being at all levels. That is not to say that all areas of my life are at the same stage of the cycle. They are all at different stages but the cycle always applies. If I become hesitant or stuck at any point I may need to return to the motivation stage and start again. I may only need to return to the awareness stage and clarify what it is I need to be doing. Whatever the situation, I must work through the entire cycle if I am to reach the separation stage and thus complete the changes I wish to see in my life.

For instance, take my relationships with women. When I began this work in earnest I was involved in a relationship which I thought was okay but I knew wasn’t quite right. My problem was that it had become a habit of mine to drift from one relationship to the other and I considered I had no appealing alternative. I wanted to do something about my life (motivation) but wasn’t sure what to do.

With Karaj’s help we identified the problem (awareness) as a greater-than-necessary involvement with women. I resolved to do something about it (contract). The first and most difficult step was to understand what the implications were of spending too much of my time in relationships and in the company of women (deconfusion).

I didn’t need so much intervention from females but I had never realised that. I had considered it beneficial for me that women wanted to mother me. Not only had I allowed it, I had actively sought it. If I wanted to change my life I had to choose an alternative route to the path I had been on for my entire life (redecision). Karaj made it clear to me that I would benefit hugely if I could get away from the women in my life, and things would be better still if I could stay away (relearning).

At first, this was difficult and sometimes traumatic. It meant me standing on my own two feet. Something I had never really done – not completely, anyway – for as long as I had been alive. However, once the benefits of being independent started to manifest themselves I felt encouraged to continue. That is where I find myself now. The separation is not complete but I am so much better off than I was 12 months ago. I am healthier physically, mentally and emotionally.

Additional posts: Training Day: Ego States & StrokesTraining Day: Games & DriversTraining Day: Conclusion

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