A Weekend in Wales

Friday 20 October, 2000

This afternoon I’m off to Wales to share a cottage with Sunil, Calvin, Dev and Naveen for the weekend. I started the day by forgetting my radio (for the football) and my alarm clock (to get me up for my exercises), which put me in a disappointed mood.

When Karaj suggested some digging I was most reluctant but within 45 minutes I was working hard and I had accepted that things would not go according to plan as far as listening to the football and getting up early was concerned. I had become accustomed to the new situation and it was no longer a problem. [Karaj: The digging put you firmly in Adult ego state and stopped the internal dialogue between your CP and AC]. Karaj and I worked really hard to clear as much earth as we could in the short time available before I left to meet up with Sunil.

I felt very comfortable and relaxed in Sunil’s company. It was easy to talk and just as easy not to talk. When Calvin arrived we made our way to North Wales. Sunil drove and I navigated. On the way Calvin remained very quiet as he always does and Sunil and I talked about books and about religion. At one point I checked myself: was this okay? Yes it was, I was in male company. I was safe.

As we neared our destination there was a choice of inland or coastal route. Because my choice was motivated by my ‘hurry up’ driver and my need to get where we were going, [Karaj: Why not just enjoy the journey?] I was happy for someone else to make the decision. Sunil gave Calvin the option and he made an almost instant choice. I was surprised, because it often takes him a while to answer a question.

It turned out to be a good choice. We took the coastal road just as the sun was setting on the horizon. Calvin also made a timely intervention for the turning to the cottage. Sunil and I had been chatting aimlessly about God and we had both missed the tiny side road. But Calvin hadn’t.

We arrived, settled in and waited for the two London guys to arrive. They weren’t far behind and after a cup of tea we all went to the pub where we ate, drank, listened to music and played pool. I was reminded of my apprenticeship days – I felt very relaxed and very able to enjoy the company. [Karaj: Good. Keep that inside you.] I felt more able to shine, more in control and less subordinate. I felt higher up the hierarchy than I often do with my friends, or maybe I just felt equal.

When Naveen asked me how Karaj is, I felt slightly elevated in status simply because I am spending time with Karaj on a daily basis. I didn’t want that so I was careful not to indulge. [Karaj: You are in a privileged position. It’s a fact. Accept it.] There was a strong element of ‘Parent’ to my nature which was brought out simply by being with the other members of the group, and at the same time my ‘Child’ was having a great time too. [Karaj: Lovely] I was on form but maybe a little too close to going too far. Not that close but I was certainly excited.

On the journey to Wales I noticed that I talked too often when I should have been listening. And when I listen my mind has a tendency to wander. In the pub I listened more attentively. Also, my observations were poor all day. I was too busy enjoying the occasion. I keep forgetting that observing is not analysing – it is simply observing.


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