Face How Good You Are

Tuesday 24 October, 2000

Yesterday the weather changed and it was time to leave the cottage. After breakfast we tidied up, packed our things and drove home. I had spent the last 3½ days as part of a group of kind people in a beautiful setting and now I was alone in the city. I went to bed early and slept very well.

Today I feel as though I am back in the routine. And also back to worrying. Last night I started to worry about how my life is going to turn out, particularly with a view to the work I will be doing. How will my working life turn out? There’s that word again. Why am I so preoccupied with how things will work out? The concern is still there today but after all I learned at the weekend I am trying not to think about it. The main lessons for me from the days at the cottage are:

  • Be in the here and now.
  • Be patient – things cannot always be entertaining.
  • Slow down – thought, word, action. Everything.
  • Don’t worry. Relax.
  • Listen properly.
  • Observe.

In my talks with Sunil the word ‘paranoia’ kept cropping up. This may be too strong a word when all I mean is worry but it’s the frequency of its appearance which bothers me rather than the severity of it. I worry too much. It’s getting better but it still persists. I can’t seem to stop it altogether.

I worry about the slightest things: whether the fire would go out while we were out walking; whether a stranger would find a table in a busy restaurant. It’s pathetic but I can’t seem to help myself. I am worried that I have done more damage to my knee because I can still feel it. Logically I know that none of it matters, but still I worry. What’s really bad is that now I am starting to worry that all my worrying is bad for me.

I spoke to Karaj about this and he said, ‘You worry because if you didn’t, you would have to face just how good you are.

Related post: The Reality of Worry

6 Responses to “Face How Good You Are”

  1. Donna Says:

    Wow. All of this really speaks to me. “I am starting to worry that all my worrying is bad for me”. I have spoken those exact same words. I worry that I’m going to give myself a stroke from being worried and stressed all the time. I’ve taken a lot from these posts about worry. Thank you. Words to live by. It’s a post that I will come back to reference, of this I am certain.

  2. Jonathan Lewis Says:

    Thanks, Donna. I’m pleased you can take something from it. Just writing the main post, which took me a few days, helped me to become more aware of the subject. And it’s amazing how much an increased awareness helps us.

  3. George Says:

    Spot on. Simple and effective. Just what I need to read as I worry about various trades on site. We are never too young or too old to learn – in this case read and see that we are not the only ones who worry. This post as well as the related ones are an excellent insight with ways of coping. Thank you. H

  4. Jonathan Lewis Says:

    Thanks, George. It’s always nice to know we are not the only ones. I had a similar feeling years ago when I found the word “Schwellenangst” in a dictionary. Up until then I had thought it was just me who had a strange feeling walking into rooms.

  5. George Says:

    Just read this again on the random blogpost link, and also that I commented on it back in November. It still has the same impact, but I have noticed a change in my outlook, a more positive stance and less worry. The knock-on effect is noticeable on my sleep pattern and also on my body, and the bullet points are really the crux. Thanks again G

  6. Jonathan Lewis Says:

    That’s great to hear George. Especially that you have noticed a change since the last time you read it. Thanks for the feedback.

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