Dreams, Facts & Celebration

Thursday 30 November, 2000

Karaj and I talked about my inability to see the facts. I am looking for reassurances that things will work out when all the facts are there. Everything Karaj and I have done together has worked out perfectly and that’s is all I need to know. I also need to keep in mind that Karaj is there with me. I have his support. There is no need to cut myself off and be alone. My success is his success. His aim is to see me and all his clients be independent and to win in life.

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Boring is Good

Wednesday 29 November, 2000

Walked to work this morning and felt like I needed a change. I recognised this feeling as a need for excitement and realised immediately that it was not good for me. Boring is good. I mentioned Robert’s progress to Karaj and how he has so much going on, in and around his life, that he is faced with many learning points. Whereas I lead a rather dull life in which nothing much happens, and so my appraisals are rather pedestrian and Karaj’s feedback is mostly limited to ‘good’ or a simple tick. I said that I would rather have something interesting happen and some decent comments which I can get my teeth into, than a series of ticks down the page.

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Persistence is the Key

Wednesday 22 November, 2000

Got up at 5:40am and exercised well. My back still has a way to go. It will take another 12 months before the nerve settles down completely and there is still a great deal of work to do on the structure and posture of my back. With every movement there seem to be all sorts of clicks, cracks and adjustments. Even breathing in is often enough to cause a click of some sort on the right side of my spine. Persistence is the key. Don’t overdo it and don’t give up. I am making progress, good progress, and will continue to do so. Be patient.

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He Does it With Confidence

Monday 20 November, 2000

Had lunch with Karaj and Arun. Karaj explained that all the things he does, all the ideas he has are simply methods to create openings. He does not know which of his ideas will work or bear fruit but the seeds of future, successful projects are often sown in the most unlikely ways. It is almost impossible to predict how things will pan out so why not try a host of different things. What is important, however, is that, regardless of the activity, everything must be undertaken with confidence.

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Cultural Conditioning

Saturday 18 November, 2000

The importance of cultural conditioning. While talking to Karaj yesterday I suddenly realised just how important his culture is to him and, therefore, how important our own cultures are to all of us. Up until that point I had considered that my cultural conditioning amounted to 32 years of influence. Yesterday, I saw quite clearly that I have also inherited all my ancestors conditioning. I carry generations of influence with me, not just 32 years.

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The Power of Script

Wednesday 15 November, 2000

I am feeling much better than I did at the weekend, but I have been left with a residual annoyance which I first noticed yesterday and which is still with me today. Karaj asked me to analyse it with respect to the people I should be avoiding. Those people are the players in my script. The script I have created. And the parts they play want me to remain a child, a helpless baby, dependent on them for life.

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Stay Calm

Sunday 12 November, 2000

In the park this morning and I’m slowly getting back to how I was before Rugby. I cannot understand how company makes me feel so low afterwards. Last weekend I felt wonderful and I never saw a single person. This weekend, after barely two days in Rugby, it’s as if the edge has been taken off my feeling of well-being. The weather is the same as last Sunday: beautiful, fresh, cold, clear autumn sun but my feeling of inspiration has been dulled.

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My Routine Provides the Smile

Friday 10 November, 2000

Despite a late night, I got up at 6:30 this morning to exercise. I realised that no matter where I am, if I exercise I can always be with myself in my routine; in my life. This is important because there are so many distractions for me ready and waiting to pull me away from the path I have chosen. I have found this often enough in the past on my visits back home. I used to treat them like a little break from my routine but now I realise that it is my routine and discipline which provide the smile, not the holiday. After E&M I went for a walk. It was a lovely morning. Beautifully autumn.

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The Lifecycle Of Development

Thursday 9 November, 2000

I received feedback this morning on the last five days’ appraisal. I had written what I considered to be some interesting stuff over a period of time during which I have noticed a definite change in my progress. I gave it to Karaj last night and wanted him to read and comment on it before the end of today because I am going back to Rugby tonight. It was the first thing we did this morning and it was a most enjoyable two hours. He actually commented on the fact that I had wanted it done in time for today which surprised me because I had given no hint of the urgency I had felt. The power of intention.

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Thought is Energy

Wednesday 8 November, 2000

Arose at 5:45am for the second day running. The exercises are going well and I am experiencing a diluted version of the feeling I once had in Germany after a yoga retreat. For a week after that weekend I glided through life and nothing got to me. I was calm, composed and contented, which is how I feel at present.

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Not Careful Enough

Tuesday 7 November, 2000

I trapped a nerve this morning during my walk. I was walking and removing my jumper at the same time; a feat complicated by the fact that I was wearing a coat and carrying a bag. I was trying to be clever. Before I attempted it I felt that I shouldn’t, but I continued nonetheless. After all, I had managed it yesterday and what could go wrong? It serves me right. Last night I had made the right decision not to phone the barrister and today I got cocky.

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More Aware & More Careful

Monday 6 November, 2000

Monday morning and I feel good. It’s almost as if I am buzzing excitedly inside but I still remain calm and balanced. I feel dynamic yet I am moving slowly, deliberately through life. I have received feedback from Karaj on the last few entries and I can see what it is I am doing.

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Exercise & Meditation

Sunday 5 November, 2000

Had a lie-in until 6:10am and worked through my E&M. I was eager to get into the fresh autumn morning for my walk but tried to slow myself as much as I could. Sitting in the park I am so glad I got up and came out. It is everything autumn should be. Squirrels stocking up; fresh, cold, clean air; sunshine; colours; peace and quiet. Today is a beautiful day. Deep breathing in the park.

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Filling My Time Slowly

Saturday 4 November, 2000

I had a 10-minute lie-in and got up and exercised. It’s Saturday and I have more time on my hands today so I exercised a little longer and didn’t rush anything (not even breakfast) in order to get out of the house and go for my walk. As I walked through the park I felt good about myself, about my life and about the fact that I am making very good progress.

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