Let Go

Wednesday 17 January, 2001

No exercises this morning. It was too cold and I was too stiff from last night. Today we finished off our project in the loft. We hung the door, put the finishing touches to the shelving and completed the library. The bookshelves were a joy to erect because of Karaj’s specially designed, made-to-measure frames. In the middle of this final task Karaj was called away. I continued with the library and Karaj joined me as I was beginning to clear up.

We tidied everything in silence – an enjoyable silence I only seem to experience with men. Once finished, we basked in the glory of our achievements. Arun was called to appreciate with us the transformation of her space. She didn’t say much and any comments she did make were prompted by Karaj. She might as well have not bothered. I am beginning to understand more and more about the futility of trying to please (some) people.

We all went for a meal to celebrate our latest project. We had transformed the upstairs office in less than six weeks. We had put a hole in the wall to Shona’s side, renovated her loft, moved boxes into the space, removed shelving from the office, moved the printer, installed dividing boards to separate the office from the meditation area, built a table for Karaj, hung a door and created a library.

On the way home Karaj told me that although it created excitement, it means nothing. It was a challenge to us both; we both grew during our work and are better people as a result of what we have done; but to be attached to our achievements would be to waste our energy. Be excited but don’t be attached. What we have achieved is now past – it was past the moment we achieved it – and it is time to move on.

This is a lesson for me. I dwell too readily in the past. My relationships and the pain of those relationships drag on when they should simply cease. My visit to Prague lingered and made me sad for two days after my return. Let it all go, Jonny. This seems to be the root of my problems with goodbyes. Don’t hold on. Don’t be attached. Let go.


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