We Are All Unique

Wednesday 28 February, 2001

Went dancing last night and came away from the evening with renewed positive energy. As Karaj says, the main problem people have is being positive about themselves when they are negative. When we are down we need to interact in a positive environment, and that’s what happened at dancing last night. I wasn’t going to go at all until Karaj suggested that it was just what I needed. It has made a difference because, although I am still tired, I am not nearly as negative as I have been over the past couple of days.

Read the rest of this entry »

Stop the Comparisons

Tuesday 27 February, 2001

6.20 A short program of exercises. Somehow I feel even more tired today than I did yesterday. I cannot concentrate very well – my mind is eating away relentlessly at the confidence I have built up in myself. I am still feeling negative about my life. It was great to see my friends at the weekend but I cannot stop comparing myself to them. I wonder why they are friends with me when I am not like them and offer little of what they seem to be looking for – I am failing to see the beauty of diversity.

Read the rest of this entry »

On My Own Path

Monday 26 February, 2001

5.55am E&M. Both went well although I trapped a nerve for the first time in ages. I was too keen. That is when it always happens. Too keen means uncontrolled. Stop this. Also, my thoughts were all over the place.

Read the rest of this entry »

Right Thought

Monday 19 February, 2001

I slept through until 05:45. E&M went fairly well as I tried not to be affected by my pains. Forget the progress – just take each day as it comes. I feel blocked with all the appraisal information I have to record. I am eager to get it out of my system. After a year of doing my appraisals, I feel that if I don’t write things down I cannot function properly.

Read the rest of this entry »

Different Commitment

Sunday 18 February, 2001

At breakfast Dev and I talked about the appraisals we have written and the newsletters which Karaj and I have produced. Robert said he hasn’t read the newsletters. I was astonished. He said he feels they will cause him too much pain and that he is waiting until he is in the right space. I couldn’t believe my ears and yet it made perfect sense. That is how committed he is to the process.

Read the rest of this entry »

We Are Here to Empower

Saturday 17 February, 2001

At the beginning of today’s group we talked about how scripts in relationships can be complementary. Without realising it we draw people to us who will complement our scripts, and we in turn complement theirs. This makes it all self-perpetuating. In a similar way that genes in nature assemble things which reproduce, making more of the same genes, scripts cause situations which ensure their continued existence.

Read the rest of this entry »

It Never Stops

Friday 16 February, 2001

6am start. Struggled out of bed and did a short exercise program. Concentration was poor and so was motivation. I felt tired. Made my way to the house. The newsletter is ready for tomorrow’s men’s group. Dev and Robert are coming up tonight for tomorrow’s meeting. This journey I’m on never stops. I love it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Presence is Enough

Thursday 15 February, 2001

5.45am E&M. Spent the morning printing extra copies of the existing newsletters. There was trouble with the printer so Karaj changed the multi-user port from an automatic to a manual. It solved the problem and Karaj thanked me. ‘Here we go again’, I thought to myself. What had I done? I told him I was glad I gave him the idea and he told me not to be facetious.

Read the rest of this entry »

Conditioning Controls the Mind

Wednesday 14 February, 2001

6am E&M. I stuttered when the alarm went, but to my own surprise and simultaneous satisfaction I got up and exercised. Later, after a chat with Karaj I made the following notes:

Read the rest of this entry »

Be Open, Polite & Ruthless

Tuesday 13 February, 2001

6am E&M. Injured my left shoulder somehow. Lost my concentration towards the end of the exercises because I got excited for some reason. Probably because I was finishing. In future, slow down towards the end. Remember Karaj’s words to himself at the very end of the Edinburgh trip.  After seven hours of driving we turned the final corner and Karaj said ‘Be careful now. Take it easy’. With these words he calmed himself and dissipated any excitement which may have caused an accident.

Read the rest of this entry »

Laying The Foundations

Monday 12 February, 2001

6am start. Good E&M. Spoke to Karaj about the goals I had 13 months ago. They were idealistic – all dreams are – but they are no less achievable because of that. The only reaction I can recall from the men’s group last year was Leon’s. His words were the first spoken (he referred to my goals as “a bit pie in the sky”) and they echoed my own thoughts that my wishes were unrealistic. He supported my script and that is why I ‘heard’ what he said. I do not recall anyone else’s reaction. Since that day, things have changed. I have grown and become more positive, and I am seeing my dreams fulfilled. I can challenge Leon about his words.

Read the rest of this entry »

Looking Back Over My Original Goals

Friday 9 February, 2001

Aubrey was around last night, which was a pleasant surprise. It was nice to see him, we chatted for a while and around midnight I went to bed. I thought to myself that if I can get up at 6am after this late night then I really have made good progress this week. I made it out of bed without too much trouble although I was tempted on a couple of occasions within the first 15 minutes of exercise to go back to bed. As I moved to look at the full moon before I began my routine, I noticed that my back felt freer than it usually does in the morning. I exercised slowly and consciously. I am in no rush to reach any particular goal. My achievement is that I get up every morning and the natural consequence of that achievement will be strength, health and fitness. Gently does it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Do Things Consciously

Thursday 8 February, 2001

I slept well and got up at 5.50am which made up for the lie-in I had yesterday. I exercised gently for an hour and sat quietly for 10 minutes. As I left the house I wondered to myself whether I had everything I needed for dancing tonight and whether I had left the house in order because I won’t be returning until late tonight. I recognised this as my mind going through its search algorithm looking for something to catch me out with. I relaxed.

Read the rest of this entry »

A Definite & Decisive Response

Wednesday 7 February, 2001

Went dancing last night. Probably the best night so far. I got up at 6.10am this morning. I had trouble getting to sleep last night because I was so enthused from the dancing, so I had an extra 10 minutes in bed. Stop this before it gets out of hand! I exercised gently and also did a short meditation, which went well. Remember gently does it – don’t force anything.

Read the rest of this entry »