A Definite & Decisive Response

Wednesday 7 February, 2001

Went dancing last night. Probably the best night so far. I got up at 6.10am this morning. I had trouble getting to sleep last night because I was so enthused from the dancing, so I had an extra 10 minutes in bed. Stop this before it gets out of hand! I exercised gently and also did a short meditation, which went well. Remember gently does it – don’t force anything.

Arrived at the house to find feedback on my latest appraisal. It felt good to read through what I had written and to read Karaj’s comments. In only two days I have started to pull things around. And all because I have gone back to the basics – discipline and awareness of mind. Karaj has also produced a contract for us detailing our goals and projects for the coming year. He has stressed that the work I do here is for my benefit only and is there to help me realise the fundamentals of life. Through hard work and action I can control my mind and, therefore, eliminate confusion, indecision and fantasy. We talked about it in the garden and he added that my life outside the house should be focused in such a way that it will help me with my work here. He used the example of Samantha’s recent phone call. I knew it was her calling and should have left it. I have so much work to do that I cannot afford to waste time or energy with situations which are not conducive to the work I am trying to do and the goals I am trying to achieve. He stressed the importance of this.

We also talked about my advice to Leon. I’d had misgivings about saying to Leon that he was ‘asking the wrong man’ when he asked me whether or not to contact his girlfriend. Karaj told me that it was the perfect answer because Leon is looking for someone to support his script of clinging to women so that they end up hurting him. He would have loved to hear me tell him to phone her. However, my response gave him a clear message that he would not receive such ‘false’ support from me. It was also a clear statement of who I am and where I am because I was so adamant that he should not get in touch with her. In addition, it was a definite and decisive response as opposed to a non-committal, ‘please others’ answer which would have given Leon the opportunity he was looking for to perpetuate his script.


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