Laying The Foundations

Monday 12 February, 2001

6am start. Good E&M. Spoke to Karaj about the goals I had 13 months ago. They were idealistic – all dreams are – but they are no less achievable because of that. The only reaction I can recall from the men’s group last year was Leon’s. His words were the first spoken (he referred to my goals as “a bit pie in the sky”) and they echoed my own thoughts that my wishes were unrealistic. He supported my script and that is why I ‘heard’ what he said. I do not recall anyone else’s reaction. Since that day, things have changed. I have grown and become more positive, and I am seeing my dreams fulfilled. I can challenge Leon about his words.

Talked to Karaj about staying in the house and going to Germany. He told me that I have always seen them as mutually exclusive. It has always been either/or with me because I could not see how it would otherwise work. However, it is possible to combine the two. Of course it is – nothing is impossible. Being able to work both here and in Germany really is a dream for me and, as I am finally learning and realising, dreams do come true.

On top of all this there is the situation with my goals from January 2000 which are gently being realised, so there is no reason whatsoever to doubt the inevitability of my dream to work together with Karaj and in Germany. Karaj has talked of it before but I have never really taken it too seriously because I could never see how it was supposed to happen. There’s that word again – ‘how’. I know more than enough now to understand that I do not have to worry about ‘how’. I just need to have faith and to continue laying the foundations, which is another subject we talked about.

Karaj has said to me before that when it happens it will happen quickly. However, it cannot happen until the foundations are in place. It is like the puzzle which Andy gave me for Christmas. You play with it, doing what you can to solve it without really knowing how it works, and all of a sudden it’s happened and you’ve done it. Karaj used the example of the book we intend to write. Before that can proceed we had to sort out the office because Karaj needs all the reference books to hand. All the work we did converting the loft, shifting everything, reconstructing and rearranging the office, and building the library, have freed us to make a start on the book. The two projects seem unrelated and in many ways they are, but ultimately they are not. They cannot be unconnected because one forms the foundations for the other. And that is how it all works. Just like the puzzle, we don’t know exactly what we have to do but once we’ve done it, things happen.

Moderate exercise and good meditation this evening. On the way home I felt demotivated by all the clicks in my back because I feel that I should be sorted by now. Understand that it will take longer, and anyway, it’s not the goal of the exercises to get fit. My goal with the exercises is to do the exercises! Be in the present, not the future.

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