Changing My Own Mood

Monday 21 May, 2001

Walking to the house I still felt down about things. I have the usual doubts about whether I will be able to make anything of my life. Where have these come from? I began to wish that Kuldip was not coming over because I wanted to be alone, and then I remembered Karaj’s words that I need to be there for people, especially when they are coming into my space. I started to feel more positive about things and could see how being enthusiastic with Kuldip – even if it were initially forced enthusiasm – could help me bring myself into a positive space. Relax. Have fun.

In contrast to my subdued mood from this morning, when Kuldip left me some hours later I felt much more content with things. Today has given me the chance to see that I can change my mood by making an effort. Moreover, I do not need to continue to make an effort to maintain the mood – as with everything, it is the start which is the most difficult and once that has happened things become much more natural.

19.30 E&M 60 mins. For some reason my back feels very free indeed.


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