I Have What I’ve Always Wanted

Thursday 24 May, 2001

6.15 E&M 60 mins. I nearly didn’t make it out of bed. I was sorely tempted to go back to sleep. At the house I read Karaj’s latest feedback on my journal: ‘When you’re down, you’re down. When you’re up, you’re up. Why resist and demotivate yourself?

Don’t be down about being down; it will pass. This latest bout was around for seven days. To an extent I was able to see it for what it was but the very nature of a down period makes it difficult to relax. However, I knew all the time that it would eventually pass. As I write, Bob Marley plays on the radio: ‘Don’t worry about a thing…’cos every little thing gonna be all right’. How true.

Spoke to Karaj about the work with Kuldip. To my pleasant surprise he said that we should not have done any work at all. This is a clear indication not only of the serious need for Kuldip to learn to relax but is also a firm reiteration of the way Karaj works. Our issues cannot be resolved through such work. My mind, for example, cannot be silenced through dialogue, or thought, or philosophy.

A calm mind can only be achieved through physical exertion and focused activities.

Karaj stressed that by sorting out our issues, our goals will be achieved automatically. As a consequence of our self-development, our dreams will become real. By laying the foundations of personal growth we allow everything else to grow effortlessly with us. Instead of working on Kuldip’s project this week we could have had even more fun or done even more gardening; anything but work. The paradox is: the less work I do, the more I achieve.

This last paragraph reminds me of the thoughts I had during my walk this morning. I have nothing to be concerned about because I have what I’ve always wanted. The last week has seen me engaging in futile comparisons with everyone and anyone, and indulging in thoughts about why I should be busy carving out a career for myself, and gaining experience with the sort of difficult, intelligent, demanding professionals I will be dealing with in later life. But this morning I realised (again!) that if I were doing such a thing, I would just want to do what I am doing now. I have a relaxed working life which is something I should treasure because I have worked hard to create it – something I don’t give myself credit for – and I also have the opportunity to grow and flourish as an individual. Relax, everything is going according to plan.

Kuldip arrived and we discussed the intention of spending the day writing the next newsletter, but as it turned out we ended up relaxing and having fun. In effect this is just what Kuldip needed to experience. Having expressed excitement at the prospect of being involved in the process of the newsletter, he had no choice but to go along with the events of the day as we simply spent time with each other.

Related post: Looking Back Over My Original Goals

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