The Fasting is Over

Monday 28 May, 2001

6.00 E&M 55 mins. A little tired but the exercises went well. The meditation was pretty normal, nothing too inspiring and besides, it was about time for breakfast (distraction). Having had some diluted multivitamin fruit juice when I got up in order to ease my body into the role of digesting food again, I treated myself to a small bowl of banana porridge made with water, and some toast. The food tasted delicious but somehow I felt disappointed after having looked forward to it so much (expectation!). In addition, something about consuming food didn’t feel quite right. It was as if I am better off with an empty stomach. After going through so much to empty and purify my body, it seemed a shame to start filling it up again.

At the house Karaj, Kuldip and I sat and chatted – mostly about Kuldip’s real need to relax and have fun. We ate lunch together. I was aware of eating slowly, in order to help reduce my intake because I know how prone I am to over-indulgence. I ate less than I normally would but I still ate too much because when we went out to trim the front hedge and driveway I began to feel very tired, and an hour later I felt really tired. Karaj and Kuldip carried on in the back garden while I wrote my appraisal.

Afterwards, the three of us sat down for a chat. I have realised just how tired, numb and stiff food leaves me feeling. With a full stomach I missed the alert feeling I’d had over the weekend. After breakfast and again after lunch today, I welcomed the return of an emptying stomach and the feeling of being awake and alive. The challenge is to reduce my intake so that I am always just hungry and always alert (discipline). I will enjoy this challenge and, on Karaj’s advice, I will meet it gradually and in a relaxed manner.


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