Trying to Hide Away

Thursday 31 May, 2001

6.00 E&M 60 mins. Since the fasting weekend I much prefer to be hungry than full. Not only do I feel better for it, I look better for it and my aches and pains are better for it. I feel as though I am making great progress with my back. The combination of the new exercises, the new diet and eating habits (eating slowly), and the improved posture is working extremely well. Relax. Don’t get excited. Don’t overdo it.

Sunil arrived. There was a great deal of conversation between him and Karaj, but I felt that it mostly ended in confusion. During the feedback session I realised that, with their conversation, they were both making efforts to connect but were somehow missing each other. Karaj has explained to me before that successful social interaction depends on both parties connecting; meeting somewhere in the middle, having found their way there using each other’s cues. I know from my ‘nuts and bolts’ experiences with him that Karaj can fall short of making that connection, and Karaj confirmed that Sunil has similar difficulties. Hence the confusion I had felt in the session.

They did connect at the end of the session. Strangely, as they connected, I got lost and couldn’t follow their conversation. By this time I was standing up because halfway through I had again begun to feel tired. As I stood, I noticed that my ankle joints and knees joints were very loose. This concerned me slightly and took my attention away from the dialogue in front of me. Karaj’s feedback was that (unconsciously) I am trying to hide away from what is going on; by falling asleep I am deliberately missing something.


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