My Job Is To Welcome People

Thursday 7 June, 2001

6.50 E&M 25 mins. After last night’s scare I rested in bed for a little longer this morning and reduced my routine to the bare minimum so as not to aggravate any lingering back problems. During my walk I was aware that my lower back muscles are slightly tensed in an attempt to protect everything. This is not good because that is one of the main reasons I suffered so much two years ago – back then I was caught in a vicious circle because the pain I was in put my muscles into permanent tension which simply perpetuated the pain. I need to relax my back. The debilitating nerve pain has gone but the problem area still feels very delicate, especially on the right hand side, and my back is less flexible than it has been recently.

Upon arrival at the house I informed Karaj who immediately enquired about my exposure to women (see ‘It’s My Script’). There had been fleeting contact with a couple of family members and a very brief crossing of paths with Karaj’s business partner, Arun, yesterday. With Arun my attitude has changed recently to one of complete indifference with a hint of scorn: if her behaviour means that she is going to be nice to me one day and then short with me the next, then I cannot be bothered to entertain her in any way. Karaj put me straight on this one. My job is to welcome people to this space – my space – irrespective of their attitude towards me. It is my responsibility to be light and happy with a genuine smile for all. People may want to wipe the smile off my face but that is not my problem and it is all the more reason to be welcoming.

This satisfied my need for an explanation of last night’s spasm and this morning’s tension in my back. Arun’s behaviour has affected me and, as Karaj rightly pointed out, that makes me a servant to her moods. By welcoming everybody and treating them all in a friendly and receptive manner, I am taking control of my own moods and, therefore, my own well-being too.

Arun passed through this afternoon. She said hello to both me and Kuldip, but seemed only to acknowledge Kuldip. He confirmed later that he’d had the same feeling. I felt tense at her presence and knew that what we’d discussed this morning was accurate. I tried to relax because of my back. As I reflected on the whole situation I recalled once again what Karaj had said: there is no need to take people’s moods personally, and it is up to me to be cordial, friendly and welcoming.


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