The Necessity of Surrender

Monday 11 June, 2001

6.00 E&M 60 mins. I didn’t want to get out of bed but I did. At the house Kuldip arrived and we chatted about his weekend. As he talked I felt a nerve pain in my neck and right shoulder and I informed him of this as part of my feedback. Whenever he talked about his future plans and being focused on them I felt that he was missing the point of what Karaj has been telling him recently. His focus should be on himself, because if he can sort himself out then everything else will be okay. Kuldip seems to be doing things the other way round, assuming that if he can sort everything else out then he will be all right. Wrong.

Upstairs, in the office, Karaj and I put the finishing touches to yesterday’s shelves. I was left alone to put wooden boards on either side, to improve the aesthetics of the shelving, which I completed with the enjoyment I always feel when my perfectionism is allowed expression. I talked to Karaj about how much easier it is becoming for me to listen to people and to talk to them too. Having spent so much time around Karaj it is no surprise that his methods and his words are influencing me but there is an important distinction to be made here. When I talk to people about their issues, I am not simply repeating what Karaj says. I am talking from personal experience about what I have learnt. Those learnings come as a result of listening to what Karaj says, having faith in what he says, trusting his word and surrendering to the process.

My back is still painful. I talked to Karaj about a phone call I’d had with my Gran last weekend, and he felt a sense of relief because we are finally getting to the bottom of it. We realised that I had set things up in the weeks leading up to the call with my sporadic concern that Gran would reprimand me for not getting in touch. As it happened, she didn’t, but those thoughts and fears, no matter how brief and infrequent they were, were an open invitation. So, there is something I can do to prevent leaving myself exposed – relax and be okay with who I am and what I do. Nobody is going to tell me off, and even if they do, so what? It’s not my problem because I’m okay. In this way I can safeguard my own health and well-being much better.

When Karaj pointed out how I had set things up, I simply said ‘okay’. I could see how I’d done it and now I knew how to avoid a repeat. Karaj turned to Kuldip and said, ‘There, did you hear that? He just said ‘okay’. No questions, no challenges, no blocking. He accepts things and listens to what I say.

This is what Kuldip needs to do too.


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