Calmness in Excitement

Friday 13 July, 2001

Another great morning after a group session. Dev, Robert, Sunil and I shared breakfast and conversation together. I enjoyed a chat with Robert about language, in particular German, and how being able to speak another language – having a whole new set of words to play with – increases the consciousness somehow.

We set off leisurely to see Sunil’s new flat and for him to collect the keys. He was not with it when the time came to return home. In fact he had not been with it in the flat, but I had not picked up on that sufficiently. Had I done so I could have taken control (silently). A good learning point. Dev talked to him in the car and Sunil revealed that he feels alone. Dev told him he isn’t and Robert raised an excellent point that the situation with his new flat has similarities to him being dumped in England as a young boy. This is, therefore, a chance for him to heal old wounds once and for all.

Having dropped Robert off at the train station, the three of us returned to the house and, as we drove, I explained my calmness which has been there for the last few weeks and seems to becoming more and more a part of who I am. It’s as if my progress and new-found competence and capability fill me with excitement but do not actually cause any imbalance. It is not the dangerous excitement which I used to have when things went well, and which can be very damaging. It is stable and calm, as if the excitement appears and is instantly grounded because I have my feet on the floor as opposed to my head in the clouds. Stay grounded, don’t get cocky.

Back at the house, Sunil locked the keys in the outside toilet – this is just what he is like when he is withdrawn. I did not panic at all, nor did I become frustrated or irritated with him. As he later said, this was because I know his patterns and it was no surprise to me. I asked him if he had a plan to sort it out. He fully intended to sort it out on his own: ‘I’ve messed up, so I’ll sort it out’. He wanted to climb in through the open window until I pointed out that he could hook the keys quite easily. I found him a stick and it worked. We set about the therapeutic analysis. I asked Sunil to go first and then Dev, who made an excellent point about Sunil’s loneliness and isolation. He is disregarding our support. We helped him retrieve the keys and we will help him with his flat. A good learning point for Sunil. I added that he needs to be vigilant when he is withdrawn.

When Dev returned to London, Sunil and I got on with some work. I began to worry about certain elements of the accounts, but as I stepped back and viewed the bigger picture I gained a far more comfortable perspective on things. In the evening Sunil, Karaj and I sat chatting in the garden. The conversation continued indoors, as Karaj and I talked about our work, what needs doing and where we are heading. Throughout our conversation, my calmness was very much in evidence. It’s strange because the calmness seems to produce more excitement which manifests itself as more calmness – in my excitement I get calmer and calmer. I am also becoming more professional.

A number of other issues came out of our discussion:

  • Karaj told me I am maturing because I am looking for the peaceful, boring plateau instead of demanding constant progress.
  • Another aspect of my maturity is that in my appraisal I write ‘don’t get cocky’ after every success.
  • Dev and Kuldip (manipulators) suck me into their games/scripts. I do the same with others.
  • Karaj and I need to protect ourselves – we need to be able to recognise negative people in 5 minutes, and not 5 weeks.
  • Arun was very glad of my support in the group yesterday and she really felt that I was on her side. She appreciated my presence.
  • The men need to begin being tougher with each other – we can take it.

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