Looking to Be Rescued

Wednesday 1 August, 2001

At home I thought about my current attitude and wondered what on earth is happening to me. I realised that I am desperate to be rescued. It is a habit of mine to complain when things are not going well. These complaints have one of two consequences. Either I am helped out of my situation or, having set up some sort of lame justification, I walk out.

This is what is happening right now. I am complaining about my work in the hope that somebody or something will change everything for me – make my life easier. At the same time I know that if that does not happen, it should come as no surprise to people when I walk out. However, this time I am not going to walk out.

[Karaj: Your rebelliousness is not believing that the process works. It does work, but not in the way you think. Have faith and don’t make it difficult.]

Not only that, but this fucking pain in my back, which does not seem to be getting better, is another cry to be rescued, mothered, looked after. I need to fight for myself, look after myself.

[Karaj: After 9-18 months of enthusiasm, comes the consolidation stage where not so much happens. It usually lasts 1-3 years. This is the worst time in personal development: monks walk out, people give up meditation. If someone makes it though this stage, that person will become a winner. Most people, however, get cocky or rebellious or give up during this part of the journey.]

 


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