Consolidation

Thursday 16 August, 2001

6.45 E&M 40 mins. Two days of exercises have really had a positive effect on my well-being. I feel very good about things. [Karaj: Remember this.]

The idea of consolidation is sinking in slowly. Not only am I in a position to review all my appraisals and relive what has happened to me in my own time, it is also an effective means of slowing me down. In addition it is a way of removing the pressure I put on myself to learn more and make further progress. Without solid foundations, which is what the consolidation process will bring me, I cannot progress.

[Karaj: There is no such thing as progress. That is a figment of the imagination.]

The day ended with a supervision session. Michelle sat in on it. We talked about the Sicily homework and I explained how the work I had done with Sunil at the weekend had been very productive and efficient. It was, in fact, a perfect example of how Karaj has always encouraged me to work: don’t flog myself, don’t push things, but keep on top of them, keep them in mind and relax. In that way, I work well when I can, and stop when I can’t. Humans are not inherently lazy animals – otherwise we would never have evolved as we have – and we will always tend towards activity, production and creation. That is our nature and all we need to do is to allow ourselves the freedom (give ourselves the permission) to express it naturally.

Following Sicily, Karaj has some productive work in mind. We will all be challenged to produce a personal appraisal of the past year, highlighting what has happened, what we have learned, and how our self-development has progressed. Not only will this form the basis of a thorough self-appraisal for ourselves, as well as any prospective employer, it will also set the scene for the coming year. This gives me further insight into the workings of Karaj’s mind. He never rests and is never satisfied.

Michelle, in her feedback, started by saying that I seem sure about myself. Karaj disagreed, saying: ‘That is one thing I wouldn’t say about Jonathan’. Initially I felt disappointed, but almost immediately I realised that he is right. I am not sure of myself. Michelle went on to say that the way Karaj and I talk is very straight, very positive and I seem to have no qualms about saying what’s on my mind.

[Karaj: Where is your evaluation of Michelle?]

I went to bed but couldn’t sleep. For some reason I felt quite exited about my life. Calm down. What is there to get excited about? My mood has lifted over the last few days and I feel comfortable that I can slow my life down and consolidate what I have learned up to now. Relax.


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