Undermined By My Own Script

Thursday 30 August, 2001

I woke up and went for an early morning swim in the pool. I cracked my head on the side and needed two stitches. This made me think: why have I done this to myself? As Ishwar pointed out, all the positive feedback I received on my birthday yesterday has gone straight to my head. As I sat at the doctor’s I began to acquaint myself with a hitherto unrecognised negative side of myself, which clearly exists and exerts itself when things are going well, in an effort to prove that I am no good.

I talked to Karaj and he told me that it is related to my father’s negativity and to football. He said that just as I had unwittingly sabotaged my football career (torn cruciate ligament), I will do the same with my personal development work if I am not careful.

There was great industry after breakfast as everyone got to grips with their homework. With my head injury I simply lay down, read through everyone’s feedback to me and slept for an hour. I was glad to be away from everyone else because I thought the work could best be done on my own. I heard later that Leon and Robert were in deep discussion about the homework. After a while all seven of the other men were together and the discussion got deeper and deeper about percentages of congruency etc. People were losing sight of the simplicity. Calvin tried to get them to see they were going too deep, but his words fell on deaf ears. Eventually people settled down to do their own thing.

Following lunch, individuals drifted and merged. I spent time writing up the events of the last two days. The others worked on yesterday’s homework. Except for Ishwar and Calvin who, as congruent people, had completed theirs with relative ease. A fact summed up by Calvin’s alternative answers:

  1. Are you congruent?  YES
  2. Why is their incongruency?  N/A
  3. What are you going to do about it?  BUGGER ALL

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