Congruency, Conclusion & Celebration

Sunday 2 September, 2001

I woke up feeling a little negative. I did not give Karaj his wake up call and received a bollocking for it. I had brought it on myself. Ishwar had even reminded me but I had decided to allow Karaj a lie in. Who am I to believe I know what other people need?! All I need to do is do my job. The women were just finishing their early-morning session as we went in. We took a break – this served to reinforce the need for procedures – and then Dev went ahead with his assessment of the feedback from the success stories. This time there was no problem with hearing and understanding his words.

George was next up and before he began he verbalised a pounding in his chest. We stayed with this and realised that it came from his anticipation of the feedback he would receive. Leon made the point that it was a worry about being wrong. Karaj asked whether any others had the same – Leon, Dev and I all raised our hands. George requested a break and then read his work and felt immediately better. The feedback he received was that he was very positive, clear, and to the point. Ishwar responded that he is making changes. This showed George that he need not have worried about his work at all. I saw this but still felt worried about my own work.

I was keen to get it over with and rushed into it without any thought to the necessary procedures: take a break. Karaj explained that this is not about the appraisals or the analysis – it’s about the bits in between. This is a celebration . He also talked to us about looking out for evil and seeing it as a poisonous snake. Don’t trust it but respect it – when you can see negativity you are much safer than when it disappears out of sight. He also told us the story of the prison warden on death row following procedures in spite of his personal judgements over the prisoners. IT’S ALL ABOUT PROCEDURES.

When I heard these words I felt much calmer and went into the break feeling positive about the work I’d done. After all – and this is the perverse thing about it – I knew that I had gained so much from it, so what was I worried about? Here are the conclusions:

Congruency

The level of congruency differs according to each of my three success stories. It is greatest in my personal success. Here I am focused on my goal and can be single-minded in pursuit of that goal. I am clear about what I want and have enough self-belief that I can achieve it.

With the family success, there are more emotions involved and this is where I begin to show less congruency. I still show awareness of my situation and a determination to get where I want to go, but everything seems to be much more undermined by my emotions.

Success in the community sees a return towards a more congruent life with the determination to succeed, the willingness to listen and learn from others, and making the most of opportunities which come my way. My written work is a good example of my ability to analyse and monitor my progress.

Incongruency

  • Extremist behaviour. I savour the highs and the lows
  • In a big hurry to achieve
  • Easily knocked out of my stride by setbacks
  • Symbiotic relationships
  • Lack of awareness with regard to my own manipulative nature
  • My need to be the best/perfect is, at best, restrictive and, at worst, destructive
  • Easily affected by external circumstances
  • It’s not a success unless it’s an effort
  • Comparisons instead of self-assessment
  • I am controlled by my emotions
  • Initially very excited, then I lose interest
  • I undermine myself with my negativity
  • Let people live their own lives
  • Cocky
  • Check assumptions
  • Be in the now – not in the past or the future
  • Too trusting

What am I going to do about it?

  • Separate from my mother, father, brother (no symbiosis) and football
  • Be aware of manipulating people
  • Look out for highs and lows, and avoid extreme language
  • Be aware of the negative side of me which is out to undermine everything I do and everything I am
  • Live a life less dominated by emotion – it’s possible, pleasurable and effective
  • verbalise and externalise – share
  • emphasise the positives
  • no need to speak unnecessarily
  • trust myself more (and others less)
  • live a boring life

The feedback I received was very good and Dev’s words, ‘it’s very positive’ stuck out.

We took a break before each one of us. This maintained the dynamic of the group and the whole process was very quick. Sunil stood up and we all felt his power and positivity as he projected the plus points of his assessment. As he moved on to the negative aspects his voice began to trail off – showing him how he gives his power away and how he goes into himself.

Calvin is a very thorough man and his assessment was equally thorough. He picked up on points from George and Sunil and gave them evidence countering their comments.

 

Karaj concluded the session with the benefits of a to-do list and how to create an effective one which will help us all to clear our heads of all the clutter caused by all the things we need to do, or want to do, or dream of doing. After a short explanation of Indian time which dictates that things take as long as they take and that by working to such time is much more effective and healthy than linear time, the workshop was concluded with a prayer, led by Sunil.

We decided to celebrate the end of the workshop by watching the sunset on the rocks next to the sea, followed by the enactment of an episode of Blackadder. None of us seemed keen on the comedy but Dev did an excellent job of rallying round and motivating us – he didn’t give up when it would have been easy to do so. The result was a very enjoyable half hour which woke me up fully and energised me for the rest of the evening. It was also interesting to note that the elders slipped into the role-playing better than any of us. Robert and Leon deserve special mention for the whole-hearted manner in which they committed themselves to the acting.

Following this we all found a bar for the night and drank together and played pool together. It was Robert’s first experience of such an evening and he did very well playing pool. He enjoyed himself, exposed himself to a lot of positivity from me, his playing partner, and discovered a suitable outlet for his competitive streak. The whole evening continued the togetherness which has been the theme of this week for us all. We have spent so much time in each other’s company and we have all benefited hugely as a result. It has been a wonderful experience for that element alone.

We returned to the hotel via a snoring man on the balcony of his hotel and were greeted at reception by Paul, the security man. In fine English, he quoted George Bernard Shaw who said, near the time of his death, that it was such a shame he was dying when he had learned so much. Paul told us that we are never too old to learn and that the Roman empire had lasted for over a thousand years because they had made Generals of the young and the keen, whilst the old and wise had taken their rightful place as the Senators. With this he bid us goodnight and Sunil once again led us in prayer as another highly satisfying day came to a close.


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