See My Contribution

Sunday 9 September, 2001

Intended to spend the day finishing the Sicily appraisals. When I returned from the launderette there was a message from Karaj asking me to go to the house. I smiled to myself because I had been looking for an excuse not to tackle the Sicily work, but deep down I was frustrated because I thought I might not get it done at all – this duality is not good for my health.

At the house I was clearly subdued and, although I was keen to get away, Karaj told me that what had come up with him and Kuldip in the garden would be of use to me so we sat together. Kuldip acknowledged me for the challenge I gave him in July prior to Ishwar’s stern words, which has helped to shake him out of himself. Karaj told me how much I have contributed to him, to the house, to the group and to the clients and that it is vital I own that success. This is not as easy as it sounds because I cannot see how my presence or my efforts have made things happen; things which I believe would have happened anyway. I have no outside reference point. In the same way I cannot see how far I have come myself; I don’t have any perspective on my own development.

We went for lunch together and I spent the rest of the day at home finishing off my Sicily appraisal.


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