Abstaining From Negativity

Thursday 20 September, 2001

Spent the day writing up my appraisals. I spoke to Karaj in London who told me that Francis’s presence over the past few days had provided him with some very useful information as to why I choose the friends I do, why I have chosen the path I have and why I have the problems I have. He told me no more than that, as it is clear this is a sensitive issue which needs to be dealt with carefully. Suffice to say that I have some hard work to do, but the main aspect is that it’s good that Karaj knows what is going on with me. Relax.

In the evening I went to Villa Park with Aubrey and a friend of his to watch the football (Villa 2 Varteks 3). I felt pretty run-down and tired, and struggled a little to be positive about the event or even the company. However, even though I may feel negative it is possible to be positive. I tried my best to avoid making any negative comments, even in jest, and I noticed that this simple abstention – a refusal to indulge in my negativity – is enough to lift my spirits. The trick really is to find a way to be positive even when it seems impossible. Tonight I found out that I can do it. I really enjoyed myself, and I joined in with the conversations instead of moping. Moping, sulking, moaning and complaining are things I know I can do well. It’s about time I learned some positive skills. The challenge is there and it is one which will change my life.

Earlier in the day, Karaj had showed me a quote from Mark Twain: ‘There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.


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