I Need to Realise My Abilities

Friday 26 October, 2001

I phoned George this morning and had a good talk with him. He was very straight with me and told me that I need to decide to get back to work; only then will I get better. I need to take responsibility. I need to realise my abilities. I seem to be the only one who doesn’t know how good I am. Talking to George made me realise that I have things the wrong way around. I’ve been thinking that I will be back at Karaj’s when I’m fit. The truth is, I will be fit when I’m back at Karaj’s.

I got myself ready and made my way to the house. I quickly felt overwhelmed when Karaj blurted out his itinerary as he is prone to do. I stood in the garden and talked to Sunil about how I felt. Deciding to return to the house is easy – it’s sticking to that decision which will be difficult. It may not be easy but what else am I going to do with my life? Talking to Sunil helped me to relax a little.

Karaj told me that I have to make the decision to work my arse off, and to start to think, ‘What do I need to do and what do I need to think about for things to happen?’, instead of relying on others to do those things for me. Stop waiting to be rescued. He told me that it had taken words from Robert and George to wake me up to the fact that I should be at the house. It is precisely these sorts of conclusions which I should be arriving at myself, without any prompting.


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