Staying Put

Saturday 3 November, 2001

A quiet day which started in the best way, with a walk in the park. Autumn was on full display. The sun shone, the colours were everywhere and the air was fresh. For the remainder of the day I rested and contemplated my visions:

  • Move away from my past
  • Stay with Karaj and the group
  • Be positive
  • Enjoy myself
  • Work in Germany helping people deal with their (stressful) lives
  • Ensure that Karaj’s vision is realised [Karaj: That has to be your vision too.]

With this last vision I was unsure of the correctness of sharing someone else’s vision. I figured that it is in my best interests to make sure that the idea of a self-healing community works, but felt distracted by the thought that I should be concentrating more on my own vision. Mind fucking. The answer to my question was already on its way and would arrive the following day in the presence of some of the other men.

In the afternoon I phoned Dev at Sunil’s and also had a word with George. The sheer pleasure at contacting the men is unparalleled in my life. It is enlivening and empowering and every contact strengthens the bond we have with each other.

In the evening, having slept through all of the football commentary on the radio, I listened to the football phone-in and took particular note of discussions on a certain football manager who has earned a reputation for himself of moving from club to club (four in the past three years). The comments people made related precisely to the way I have lived my life up until now. One particular fan summed it up by saying, ‘When the going got tough, he couldn’t handle it’. That said it all for me. This is what I have always done. But not any more.


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