Say What I Have to Say

Sunday 25 November, 2001

The day was one of activity in the garden and the office, interspersed with feedback sessions. The first session began with a challenge to Robert from Sunil. There followed a very loving and moving exchange between Karaj, Sunil and Robert. Karaj answered for Robert, saying that Sunil is right to challenge but must be aware of the space which Robert is in. He is sorting through a great deal at present and needs support as well as the challenges. I felt the love on all sides and was deeply moved.

During a later feedback session I shared my mood graph with everyone (Ishwar had arrived by this stage). It showed them all that I am an emotional person who is very much affected by my surroundings. Robert picked up on my progress saying he has been impressed with how I have initiated feedback sessions on three or four occasions recently.

That comment, along with Dev waking up on Saturday morning telling himself to be aware and observe, are proof that, although my comment from last Saturday upset all three of the other men as we were clearing Sunil’s garage, it has had an effect on at least two of them. This is all the confirmation I needed that it is important to say what I have to say. I am saying those things partly to myself and partly to others because we all have the same issues, and no matter what the reaction, we all need to hear what I have to say because we all want to grow and we all need the support of each other. All I have to be careful about is that I do not go overboard and become arrogant.

Karaj told me that now I am developing my Parent Ego State, I will get cockier than ever. Fuck. Be very careful, Jonathan.


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