Increased Connectivity

Thursday 29 November, 2001

Received an early call from George. He had phoned Robert this morning too. Robert has received a divorce letter from his wife’s solicitors and had tried to contact both George and Dev last night. Karaj phoned to see how everything and everybody is and to let me know when he will be arriving back from Cambridge. Later I phoned Sunil and left a message asking when he will be arriving this afternoon.

Immediately afterwards, Robert phoned to tell me about his divorce letter. He told me he felt solid and made the point that it is such a new feeling for him to have people around him who want to see him win and want to be part of his life and his abilities. It was good to hear this because it helps me to encourage people the way I did with Robert and Dev yesterday. Robert and Dev also did it for me when I was in hospital.

Karaj returned from Cambridge and it was lovely to see him. He passed me the feedback sheets from the workshop and my marked appraisal with the words, ‘Here are your presents’. With my new-found quietness I notice that I am not so in need of Karaj’s reassurance. I no longer talk excitedly about how well I am doing in an attempt to gain confirmation from him. In fact he has said nothing about my latest appraisal which I thought to be a good one. Indeed, his notes indicate that it is a good one but I have no need to be told that I am a ‘good boy’. I am growing (up).

[Karaj: You are already grown up. That is not the issue.]

Sunil arrived and we spent some comfortable time together. Robert arrived and I gave him the tape I had recorded for him this afternoon. Later Sunil went dancing with Calvin and the rest of us (Karaj, Robert, Kuldip and me) went to the same restaurant as last Friday and had an enjoyable meal. I noticed how there was more peer involvement from Karaj rather than therapeutic interventions. Once he had talked seriously to Robert about the divorce issue he was able to relax and enjoy himself as he would do among friends. It is worth recording that the actual feedback session for us all lasted about a minute. Nobody had an agenda and everyone felt good.

In the car on the way home I checked out with the men whether I had got cocky towards the end. Karaj and I had enjoyed a conversation and, although I didn’t feel I had been cocky, I wanted to know from the others whether my assessment was correct. Both Robert and Karaj replied that I had not been cocky. Don’t get cocky.

[Karaj: Don’t ask. People will raise it in their way. This is how to stop the feedback. ]


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