Developing Parent Ego State

Saturday 1 December, 2001

Made my way to Sunil’s flat. I wanted to help with the flooring so I verbalised it. This meant Robert had to choose a different job and as it happened he chose the stairs, which allowed him to finish a job he himself had started weeks ago. He only realised this towards the end of his work and it increased the satisfaction he had in the work he had done. The stairs look very good now.

I worked all afternoon with George to lay the flooring in the lounge. Predictably, we made a slow start as we came to terms with new techniques and methods, but by the time we were halfway across the floor, we were flying. We all took regular breaks together, which broke up the work effectively.

George had started the day in a negative mood but with our presence, support and constant challenges he left with a smile on his face and a more positive attitude in his heart. I enjoyed working with him and I was able to see more clearly the way his relationship offers both peer and parental contact. He took charge but was also open to suggestions. He is a skilled craftsmen who takes pride in his work, and he wouldn’t leave until the job was done.

In the evening I rested and remained quiet while Dev and Robert fired up their computers. Michelle came and sat with us for 20 minutes. I did ask her how her day went but found it difficult to talk to her. The atmosphere reminded me of Kuldip’s presence. She was nervous and timid.

Thought about my Child ego state. I am convinced that the breakthrough with my calmness and balance last week was assisted by my focus on my Child ego state. That focus edged me nearer and nearer to an awareness of the Parent ego state and in my silence I can feel my Parent and the effect it is having on me. My Parent has been given a more suitable role to play than that of bashing my Child all the time. The two are experiencing a healthy separation.

Both have roles to play and now that there is daylight between the two I can see and feel the difference between them. Before now they were coupled and they got under each other’s feet. The Child ego state would play too much and the only the time the Parent ego state ever came in was to bash me up. Now, the Parent is assuming it’s rightful position, allowing the Child to play appropriately. I am reminded of the Irish road gang from Robert’s stories. My Parent and Child ego states are beginning to work together, harmoniously.

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