Owning & Forgetting

Friday 7 December, 2001

A busy morning as I made sure the basic work was done – preparing and cooking the food – so the others (Karaj, Sunil and Dev) could discuss the best approach for the construction work on the conservatory. Kuldip arrived and in the afternoon I continued my work in the office while efforts began outside. At one point I reached a block in my work, took a break and went outside to see what was going on. I was drawn quite naturally into working with the others as they tried to move the soil pipe out of the way of where the conservatory roof will go. We had a deadline to meet and as the time drew closer the energy increased but did not become destructive.

On a couple of occasions I became aware that I was rushing about but I caught myself and slowed down. I balanced myself. Robert arrived and, although I could not welcome him as I would have liked, I did manage to make him a cup of tea as well as find all the tools and screws which Sunil needed as he finished off the work for the day. In their feedback at the end of the day the others told me I am calm, reliable, supportive and welcoming. This is good feedback and perhaps the best thing about it is that I can see it too. I am owning what I do and who I am.

Kuldip in his summary of the day, struggled to recall what had happened and began by making it up. When Karaj challenged him he admitted that what he was saying was false. This is a common trait of Kuldip’s and it made me think. It was as if he had been given notes to revise for today’s exam question but when the time came he had either forgotten what he’d revised or he hadn’t revised in the first place – hence the lies. The problem was that this was not an exam, and there was no need to revise for it. All that was being asked of him was to give his account of his day. I am continually amazed by his inability to recall any details of experiences with which he has been personally involved. He cannot remember what he has done. But then he forgets most of what people say to him as well so I shouldn’t be too surprised.


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