The Problem With Unconditional Giving

Friday 21 December, 2001

The morning supervision session was a deep one as we discussed the reason for the negativity last Sunday. Karaj had gone through Sunil’s list of clients with him yesterday but felt nothing untoward and had pondered the problem all evening until he realised Michelle had been the root of it all.

While we were working hard all day Sunday she had been busy moving out of Sunil’s flat and leaving a short, perfunctory note which said neither goodbye nor thank you. Karaj told us that with this simple act she had wiped away all the love we have put into the flat over the last four months. Furthermore, her negativity had affected us all on that Sunday and she wasn’t even anywhere near us.

Sunil gives unconditionally and the women in his life have all rejected him. His mother packed him off to England when he was young, his wife divorced him and Michelle repaid his hospitality and generosity by messing up his space.

Karaj went on to say that Priya had not been my problem on Sunday. It was Michelle. I am also a giver and she had affected me. In fact when Karaj explained this all to Sunil I felt the hurt which my girlfriends have caused me; taking everything I have to give and reducing me to a wreck. Self inflicted maybe because of my script, but Michelle’s example demonstrates the power which negative people have.

Karaj was at pains to point out to Sunil that Michelle has given him a gift. He is now able to see what happens to him when he gives unconditionally. He should, therefore, be very careful about giving unconditionally. We talked more about the Michelle issue and how all of us were affected by it; we are all sensitive and we are the ones who have put unconditional love into Sunil’s flat only for her to wreck it.


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