Not Working Hard Enough

Sunday 23 December, 2001

After greeting the men (Sunil, Kuldip, Dev and Robert) when they arrived I went upstairs to get some cups and found Karaj in the kitchen. We chatted for half an hour about people’s commitment to the process. Karaj was of the opinion that he could close the men’s group because men are not working hard enough. This surprised me a little but I understood what Karaj was saying. His observation is an extension of my complaint in the early days of my work here – that people do not make enough of the opportunities here.

Although they are coming here every weekend these days, they are still messing about. I wondered where I fitted into all this. Karaj told me that I am committed. I may not be making great progress but that will come. I think I am making good progress but Karaj’s words are more a reflection on my potential as he sees it. I was encouraged by what he said. Again, like yesterday’s road trips, it was good to spend some time talking with each other before we rejoined the men.

In the supervision session Karaj talked to us about what he had discussed with me. He asked why it is that we have not reached our (achievable) goals with the corridor roof, and how committed are we? He told us that we need to push through our scripts rather than just play with them.

Another useful learning point which concerned Sunil’s irritation with Robert’s end-of-day negativity yesterday. There are times – at the beginning and the end of the day – when people need time to themselves, or time to reflect, or need to verbalise their thoughts/feelings. This is the time to lay off them. Too much therapy is destructive.

Later, Karaj and I had a chat about the work which has gone on in the garden over the last few weeks. Karaj has needed to provide the motivation to drive the men. We have produced good work but we are not self-motivated. We lack the drive we need to make breakthroughs and to succeed in our lives. I saw clearly what he meant because it has occurred to me on numerous occasions that without Karaj’s vision and drive we would be lost. I also felt what he said – the drive is the missing ingredient and if we can drive ourselves, then there will be nothing we cannot achieve. We have the interest in what we do and the evidence that it works but we are too comfortable and we lack the true drive to push ourselves towards our destinies.


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