Maturity & Subtle Insights

Thursday 10 January, 2002

06.55 E&M 50 mins. Followed by another 60 minutes of exercise in my physiotherapy class. At the house Karaj had marked my latest appraisal (14Dec – 9Jan). There were hardly any comments from him and he told me it was excellent. We talked about my maturity and about the session with the core group on Sunday when I was prompted to quantify how I wanted to grow up this year. It helped me to define what I want to do and because of that verbalised definition, it is already happening. I am maturing at a rate which makes it almost visible – to me at least.

Karaj told me the only way we can allow our true self to rise to the surface is to surrender to someone else. When I first came here I surrendered to Karaj. In surrendering I was telling him I need help. It was an instruction to him and, in turn, he has given me instructions. I have followed those instructions and that has allowed me to see for myself my abilities, talents and potential. I am now fulfilling that potential.

Karaj talked to Robert this afternoon and gave another display of how he can apply what he knows to every circumstance. I asked him how he can do that. He told me that he keeps his life very simple and because of his simple life he is able to tune in to every situation, person and problem. He allows people and situations to flow through him. I was pleased to here this answer because it means that I can do that too. I had thought that maybe Karaj has an extraordinary talent but as he told me, ‘Everyone can do it’.

I spoke to Robert this evening after his meeting with his boss. Robert would realise on Saturday that he does not actually feel attracted towards her but that his behaviour up until now has been something he slips into automatically with women. This rang true for me because I try to impress women even when I am not particularly interested. Stop it. As I talked to Robert I had the feeling that he has reached a fork in the road of this particular pattern in his life. Either he can take his old road (and get the sack) or he can take the new road and change his life. It will be hard work but that is the only thing we can really do with our lives.

Instead of keeping this thought/feeling to myself, I shared it with Robert. Up until a few days ago I would not have verbalised it but that is the difference with me now. In the past I have always waited for lightening bolts of insight (fireworks!) before I verbalised anything, and I have ignored the slight feelings, labelling them insignificant in the process. They are significant and the insights I have had with Robert this week have proven to be accurate and very helpful. As a result of those insights my relationship with Robert has grown over the week.

After that call, Dev phoned to say that he was feeling sad. We chatted and when he asked me how I am, I talked and talked about all the positive things which are happening to me. Since New Year’s day, my life has gone from strength to strength. The discipline and maturity which have entered my life over the past ten days are here to stay and any excitement I might feel about the progress I am making is tempered by the balance I have achieved – another recent and permanent development in my life.


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