Work Out My Own Negativity

Saturday 26 January, 2002

09.30 E&M 85 mins. A lie-in! During the meditation I realised there is negativity in me which needs to come out. Rather than focus on the negativity around me I need to focus on myself and work out my own negativity. When I talked to Karaj about this he told me he likes the way I think – I am showing maturity in my willingness to work on myself rather than look to blame anything outside of me. It wasn’t until the following day that I realised what it meant to work on and release my own negativity.

Robert rang to invite me to the cinema tonight to see a film he had seen during the week. I would have liked to see the film but I was still feeling tired and not particularly sociable – as I have all week – so I declined, saying I had a lot on and couldn’t commit myself to the evening. He sounded as if he did not believe my reasons and simply said, ‘Okay, so you want to cry off this time. That’s fine’. I hung up and thought about the negative implications of his phrase ‘cry off’. It was typical Robert. I challenged him about it the next day, but that wouldn’t be the main challenge of the day.


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