No Longer Who I Used To Be

Thursday 31 January, 2002

09.15 E&M 40 mins. In the morning Francis talked again about the issue of his colleagues (subordinates) not talking to each other and expecting him to sort everything out for them. I committed myself to working through this issue by saying ‘We’ll sort that out before I leave’. Watch this. Is this me being cocky? Am I aware of the energy required to support someone? Don’t get cocky.

In the evening the two of us went to the pub. We talked about Francis’s abilities and talents. He doesn’t see them as clearly as he needs to. It was great to talk to him and be guided by how I reacted internally to what he said; I was very much tuned in and it wasn’t a case of having to work hard in any way. I can do this. Don’t get cocky.

I told him I am not messing around. He told me he appreciated my interest in him and his issues, my understanding of his situation and my tenacity at not letting him off the hook. I told him his problem with the two men at work is indicative of and is caused by his own internal conflict, and I told him that if he sorts that out then everything else will work out. Note to myself: someone of Francis’s abilities can still not come to terms with his own talents, gifts and potential.

Back at the flat we chatted until the early hours of the morning. Francis expressed his amazement at the changes in me over the last two years and told me quite clearly that I am no longer the same person I used to be. He told me he talks to his friends about me and said that ‘They must be left highly confused because I speak so highly and with so much energy about you’. That was lovely to hear. I need to wake up to my own talents, gifts and potential. I talked about the men’s group and how being with Francis has made me even more determined not to tolerate anyone who is not prepared to put the effort in to sort themselves out.


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