Keep An Eye On Your Script

Thursday 14 February, 2002

07.30 E&M 40 mins. Spent the morning checking and updating my self-appraisal. For some reason, I am still dissatisfied with the summary of my Germany trip, but the writings since my return are exciting.

During a talk with Karaj he told me, ‘Make sure you keep an eye on your script to ensure you don’t mess things up at the last minute. Always keep a watchful eye.’ When Karaj said this I felt a little disappointed that I will have to keep a watchful eye for the rest of my life, but that’s the reality of the situation. It’s all about discipline and procedures and the fact that I feel as though I am making very good progress is precisely why I should be alert.

George phoned and we chatted about the guilt he felt yesterday at leaving Sunil’s flat without having the chance to spend much time with him. The guilt is his problem just as my negativity about my Germany trip was mine. I shared a few lines from my appraisal about this. The chat helped us both; George verbalised his issue and I received a reminder about my own – what I said to George applies to me too. Robert also phoned and later Karaj told me not to share my positivity with him because he will try to undermine me. A fair warning.

I thought recently about how I made my move to Germany from London. I created it by badgering my employer to send me there. Within a year of starting my job I had moved to Germany. It happened because I wanted it. The same is happening here. Germany will happen because I will make it happen. So relax, Jonathan.

Karaj and I had lunch together at the café. As we left I complimented the chef on the quality of the food and Karaj complimented a man on the impeccable behaviour of his three children. We brought light into the café and then went on our way. We spent the rest of the afternoon ‘on the toilet’, working on into the evening to get it finished. At one point I felt a little tetchy. I verbalised it and within 15 minutes I was back to the way I have been all this week – working happily with Karaj, having a laugh together, being very creative and enjoying the physical work.


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