Priority: Sort Yourself Out

Saturday 16 March, 2002

Men’s Group. Before the group started I pastimed with Leon and he told me about his issues. I was tempted to tell him to raise them in the group because he needed to share them with us rather than carry them around on his own. I said nothing because I felt that there would come an opportunity for me to do so later in the day.

Karaj shared the story of the cut to my head which was a significant incident because it is my script trying to stop me getting well. Karaj said that I have the capacity to be someone. My intellect is now my football. I have lost my football and now I am in danger of losing my intellect. The bangs on my head are not allowing me to think. My script is trying to sabotage me because I am close to a realisation.

Karaj – ‘It’s okay to be selfish because only when you have sorted yourself out can you help others. The world will be an okay place the day you decide to sort yourself out.

Karaj – ‘The more we cleanse ourselves, the more negativity will come our way. Be alert, be cautious and be sensible. Relaxed vigilance.

Karaj reiterated the importance of hitting the emergency button. When our script catches us and we feel ourselves going down we need to contact someone – and do it quickly.

Earl told the story of how he was approached recently by a famous glass blower who thanked him for his inspiration years ago when the man, as a 16-year-old boy, had stood in Earl’s shop and listened while Earl talked with passion and enthusiasm about glass sculpturing. He had unknowingly inspired that young boy and all because he had been enthusiastic – not because he had tried to help or inspire or rescue. Only by being sorted can we inspire others.

At one point Ishwar, teased us (‘I need 45 minutes for something’) and Robert and Dev got into a game with each other, so Karaj split us all up into groups of three to discuss our agenda items for the day. I sat with Leon and Sunil for an hour and together we worked through all our issues. It turned out to be a very useful process for everyone. People were more forthcoming with their issues – some didn’t even think they had any until they explored further. I talked to Karaj about this at lunch and he told me that although it may have been useful, it is not something that can happen every week and in implementing it he has set himself up to fail.

The reasons for these two things are that the therapeutic process cannot be structured or planned because there is never any way of telling what will come up or how it will be dealt with – there has to be the time and space to be flexible with people and the issues they raise. Secondly, and related to the previous point, Karaj had set himself up to fail because the issues which were raised by people were enough to fill three full days of therapy, and so Karaj would not be able to deal with them all in one session. The fact that he managed it is a testament to his ability for relating everything that happens to everyone who is present.

Karaj talked to us about the theory behind Parent-Adult-Child contaminations (TA). When, for example, the Parent and Adult ego states merge, opinions (Parent) become fact (Adult). Similarly when Child and Adult merge, we believe that our emotions are reality. This rings true for me because whenever I go into emotions they are as real as anything else in the world and they define my world. In short, my fear becomes reality and I can easily become paralysed as a result. When all three are merged, opinion becomes fear and the vicious circle is complete, making such people very difficult to work with.

We (Karaj) managed to work through everybody’s agenda which made for a relatively early finish. For me, the day reaffirmed my new-found, positive approach to life and showed me that I have the choice, every moment of my life, to be negative or positive, to be up or down, to be in pain or be well.

[Karaj: ‘new-found‘ is Child ego state. Also, there is no choice but to sort yourself out, no matter what. Everything else is a fantasy.]


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